Oh, how l love this question. Yep, I've been asked it numerous times since having Reese. I guess people think you have MORE kids on your brain right after you've had a new baby? I don't know what's with those people.
Kind of like getting asked, "When are you guys going to have kids?" at your wedding reception.
Can we be married 5 seconds, first?
One lady asked me recently, "do you and your husband want more kids?" Um yeah, we WANTED more kids. Kind of need my husband for that though. How the hell do you answer that without making them feel horrible? Sometimes it's just easier for me to say no and move on to avoid the conversation. When I meet new people I'm afraid of the 'small talk questions.'
"How long have you been married?"
"What does your husband do for a living?"
"How many kids do you have?"
"How old is your son?"
These are the questions I used to love to answer. Now I'm afraid to get deep into conversation for fear I'll have to explain it all, over and over. It gets old, the tears start flowing and I've probably made them feel this big.
13 comments:
I would not worry about what other people think when you tell them. If they asked the question, they can handle the truth. I understand just giving a no to avoid telling it over and over. That must be so hard. I'm sorry you have to deal with that.
I think I'd probably just avoid the questions too. Such a hard thing to deal with...as if losing him wasn't hard enough, you have to figure out how to handle the day to day things like this. :(
I'm so sorry Erynn :-( I can understand wanting to avoid those situations. Hugs.
I'm so sorry, Erynn.
I'm sorry Erynn, I'm sure it must be hard.
btw - I just roll my eyes at these comments. Don't you love getting them when you are still pregnant too?!?!
Oh Erynn, I can't even begin to imagine what your going through, and how hard it is. I think about you and the kids everyday.
As far as the questions from others, you are amazing to be worried about others feelings when your hearts been broken. You can always keep it real generic for fear on not breaking down.
When they ask what Patrick does for a living? You could say he's an Angel.
I LOVE Shelbie's answer about P being an angel for a living now!! That is a good one!!! I don't get some of the questions people ask either...some just don't use their brain. Just say what makes you feel comfortable at the time and with time you will get better at answering.
The dumbest question I used to get asked was when Noah and Jesse were babies people would ask me if they were going to speak English when they grow up!! HELLO????? The ones I hate are for people to ask in front of them why their birthmother gave them up!!!
Hang in there....this is all so new to you and your are learning and don't worry about hurting anyone's feelings or making them feel bad.
I have no idea how you feel but Matt does.(http://www.mattlogelin.com/)
You may have seen him on Oprah (if you watch her). He lost his wife a year ago just after she gave birth to their first child so he has had to deal with some of the same things you are going through.
I remember you saying something about focusing on the time you did have with Patrick so that's what you should do when people ask about kids and Patrick. Share all the wonderful things about him because he's still a part of your lives.
I have been on Matt's blog numerous times (even before Patrick's accident.) He is doing such a great job with his daughter! Amazing. I wish I could say I couldn't imagine, but I can.
I'm so sorry E that people ask you questions. really those questions aren't really things you ask someone you don't know in any case.
Erynn,
Gosh, I think I asked you that question in response to the pregnancy conversation we had, I feel like shit. I think about you and pray for you so much, Id never want to be that one that would ask you a dumb question after you JUST had a baby. Your blog is so beautiful and such a tribute to two men that the world needs to know more about, the world would be a better place with more people like them. I love you and so sorry if something stupid came out of my mouth like that, just trying to think if and why Id ask that, but i think I did because of a conv. we were having. Your strength is inspiring to so many. Love, jen cook
Jen, if you asked me that, I don't remember, so do not even worry! I've been asked these questions by strangers, who don't know my story... so of course they don't know NOT to ask.
Love you too! Thanks for the good chat the other day in your beautiful backyard! See you Tuesday. xo
I am so sorry to hear our "club" has another member. What a devastating loss.
I'll keep reading and commenting; write if you ever want to talk.
X
Supa
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