thankful?

When I think of this word my nose begins to tingle and tears start to form. It is so hard to be thankful today, but I know I have a lot to be thankful for. Whenever I think about my situation, I think to myself, it could be worse. It's true, it could be a lot worse. However, as I count the blessings in my life today, they are followed by a "but..." And it's a big but.

For the past x amount of years, we always had Thanksgiving at my in-laws. My MIL is a exquisite chef and began preparation about a week before Thanksgiving Day. The stuffing and side dishes were always beyond delicious and low fat, right Debi? Bill wasn't a shabby BBQer himself.. One Thanksgiving he bought a turkey fryer and had to test it out. I remember if I walked remotely close to his fryer he would warm me and make me walk FAR around it so I didn't get splattered.

Proud of his fried turkey {and always making funny faces}

One tradition that I began to love at my IL's Thanksgiving were thankful cards. My MIL printed cards out each year that everyone in attendance filled out. They began with "This year I'm thankful for.... " She stored all the cards in a book to set out each Thanksgiving for guests to reflect back on. I loved reading what everyone was thankful for over the years. It was especially nice to see a certain guest here and there who weren't regulars each year. I chuckled at some of the things I wrote on those cards over the past 8 years.. but this year I don't think I'm ready to fill one out.

Monday Memories: oh boy

At dinner tonight my dad and I were talking about pregnant women and their Buddha bellies. I was reminiscing how miserable I felt just about this time 2 years ago... and I still had another 4+ weeks to go until Will's birth. At this point, 2 years ago, I couldn't sleep in our bed. Laying flat hurt too much so I slept on our recliner in the family room instead. Rather than enjoy the whole bed to himself, Patrick joined me in the family room, making the couch his new bed for the next 4 weeks. I kept telling him he didn't have to sleep out there with me, knowing he had to get up for work the next morning. But he slept out there until the morning I went into labor with Will, on New Year's Eve.

I remember begging my doctor to induce me the second I was past my due date. This big belly had me in tears, pure misery... @ 40 weeks and 1 day.

only to do it all over again 6 months after Will's birth. Oye!

it's about time

Last night was a rough night with Reese. The worst is when they wake up RIGHT after you close your eyes and fall asleep. I got very little sleep, managed to slip on the stairs while holding her as an attempt to keep her quiet while I fetched a bottle. At 630 my mom finally came to get her and I slept til 9. During those 2.5 hours of solid sleep I had my 1st dream about Patrick. FINALLY! I've had so many of his good buddies tell me about some incredible dreams they have had about him but I haven't experienced a single one.. until now. My dream was pretty bizarre and I've decided if I have another I'm writing it all down first thing when I wake up.

I only remember bits and pieces but this is what I do remember... It was before the accident but for some reason I knew it was going to happen. I kept hugging and kissing him as much as I could, knowing what the future held. I wasn't sure if I was supposed to tell him or not say a word? I kept asking myself "Would I want to know I was going to die?" I think at some point in the dream I thought to post that question as my status on Facebook. Weird, right? It's not exactly the dream I was hoping for but I'll take it. For the past 11 months almost I've been scared to dream about Patrick. I've been scared of waking up to only realize what once was my reality is now only a dream. I thought it was supposed to be the other way around?
Your dreams becoming a reality?

Would you want to know when you are going to die?

the joys of moving

I hate living out of boxes..
I can't even find my usb cord to download my pictures from Patrick's golf tournament.
My house is pretty much unpacked. My garage, another story.
In our old house we had a HUGE attic. This house, nada.
So all my Christmas decorations are sitting on my garage floor.
At least that makes decorating easier this year. Decorating? ugh.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY PATRICK!

Happy 27th Birthday babe! I wish you were here to celebrate with us. I always gave you a hard time about being so close to 30 and how much closer you were than me. "Late 20's, almost 30" I miss that. We are doing your birthday up right today. Hosting a golf tournament to celebrate you and your birthday. I hope you are playing your own round of golf today.. actually, I'm sure you are.. Never one to pass up 18 holes. I'm making sure Will knows the difference between his bat and his clubs. He is good at everything, like someone else I know... Happy Birthday Patrick! We love you.

Monday Memories: c-walkin'

Patrick didn't dance much but when he did it always made me smile. I still can't believe I was able to get him to take dance lessons for our 1st dance at our wedding without a fight. While at college his roomates taught him how to c-walk. I'd always try to get him to c-walk but he would only do it if he had enough to drink. At a wedding last March, our wedding photographer caught him in action...

Night One

Tonight is officially our first night in our new home. Phew. That was a lot of work and it's not even close to being over yet.

I had the kids covered today and made sure they were well occupied and busy. They enjoyed breakfast at the bagel shop, a visit to the zoo, train rides, a trip the aquarium and finally dinner at Bubba Gumps before home for baths & bed. Maybe they will actually sleep in? Anything beats Reese's 5am wake up call this morning.

As I'm typing this, I'm thinking to myself how quiet it is up here. Our old house {weird!} was on the corner of a cul-de-sac so we often heard cars racing down the streets or motorcycles reving their enginges as they sped by our house. Both of the kids rooms were in the front of the house so I always worried it would wake them up. However, my new neighbor just started playing some sort of instrument, piano maybe, and I can hear it from here.. at 10:45 pm? That's not going to fly. Crap, I hope they don't find my blog once I introduce myself. I heard some were already googling me!? Although we just moved in today, I've met many of my neighbors and everyone seems to be super nice & helpful, so far! There are tons of kids, of all ages and hopefully will be even more once some of the other neighbors move in.

Off to bed, lots of unpacking to do this weekend.
*E

Dear Blog...

I know you've been neglectied lately but I haven't forgotten about you or our Monday Memories. Packing up, sorting through P's stuff and moving little by little to the new house isn't easy.. especially with 2 mobile babies under 2. On top of that, small things just can't seem to go smoothly and then some losers decide to ransack my car. Luckily they didn't take anything but why did they have to touch EVERYTHING? When will I ever get a break? I'm hoping once I move maybe? Promise to be back soon.

xo,
Erynn