almost three months

I realized I haven't posted any recent pics of Reese lately. Here are a few I snapped this weekend on my phone. Look how big she is getting! I cannot believe she is going to be three months old on Thursday.

While she was hanging out on her play mat this morning, Will layed down to give her some lovin'.

Monday Memories

Crap, I almost forgot today was Monday because of the holiday! 

In honor of the Laker/Nugget playoff games going on right now, here is a video clip from a Nuggets game we were at last year. After our annual trip to Steamboat, Patrick, Will and I flew to Denver to meet up with my good friend Lindsey and her family to house hunt. We were able to attend a Denver Nuggets game while we were there. Will was only 6 weeks old and quickly became friends with the mascot Rocky. 


Rocky is so lucky he didn't fall with my newborn in his arms! 

mother's day 2009

For my 1st Mother's Day last year Patrick made me "From Daddy to Mommy" gift certificates. An  entire stack of them. I thought they were pretty entertaining. For example, some of the gift certificates read,
"Good for one night of waking up with William Patrick Rooney IV" or "Good for one diaper change of William Patrick Rooney IV." Actually, there were 5 total of those ones! Thinking back, they would have come in handy in the middle of the night! My favorite one is "Good for one evening of Daddy cooking dinner while watching William Patrick Rooney IV" I would have paid to see that happen! 

Actually, I just wish I had the chance to use all these gift certificates. Now I've just filed them in a safe place to show Will & Reese what their daddy did for me.

Here is Will on my 1st Mother's Day last year.


For my 2nd Mother's Day it was just another 1st, another holiday without them. I imagine the year of 1st events is going to be extremely difficult, some more than others. I guess I wasn't too worried about Mother's Day this year... it being a day about moms, it wasn't focused on Patrick. I'm sure Father's Day will be a different story.

We headed down to Palm Springs for the weekend. Maybe to somewhat mask the holiday so that we weren't sitting at home, thinking about our loss all weekend. Traveling with Will hasn't been easy lately. He doesn't sleep well anywhere besides his own crib. Although I can't really blame him, nothing like your own bed. Will woke up at 2:30am and decided to stay up for 2 hours. After we fell back to sleep together, I woke up at 5am and as I was putting him back in his Pack n' Play, Reese woke up for a feeding, which of course woke him back up. I was ready to pull my hair out. So between Will and Reese both waking up numerous times Mother's Day eve/morning, I couldn't help but think if only Patrick were here to help me out. I pictured him tending to Will while I took care of Reese. Or if he felt like being super-dad, he would have taken them BOTH on, so mama could sleep in on Mother's Day!

I thought he would have slept better, considering how hard he played! He was pretty much outside or in the pool all day. I tried to tell him it was important to keep his hat on, and while it lasted for a short while...


I guess the hat got in the way of this


so he decided this was a better place for it.


This was Will's choice lounging spot for the weekend...


so much, that when it came time to get out of the pool, he showed me how he really felt...


so I let him enjoy his bath wherever he wanted.


gotta love that J&J smell.


This Mother's Day I was grateful for my 2 beautiful and healthy kids.. but also wishing Patrick was here to spoil me on my special day.

Will's 1st pitch

Most of you know but in case some don't, Patrick played baseball at Pepperdine for 4 years. He was a starter all 4 years and had a great career. His brother Sean was headed there until he was drafted and my youngest brother-in-law, Colin, is the starting 3rd baseman. So the Rooneys have quite a connection to Pepperdine.

While texting the head coach last week regarding the memorial patches he had made, he asked me if "little Will" wanted to throw out the 1st pitch on Sunday. Are you kidding, my kid, a ball and throwing? Baseball is in his blood. No hesitation there.

Of course I starting thinking to myself, "What will he wear?" I knew I had Patrick's jersey that Coach Rod had given to me at Bill & Patrick's service. I was thinking in my head how I could make that adult size jersey work on my toddler. I happened to be talking my fab friend Rachel from Golden Shop Talk that night . As I was trying to figure out how Will could wear the jersey without looking like a pillowcase, she offered to make Will a matching tee, in the correct size! My eyes immediately filled up with tears. My mini me in a pint size jersey to match daddy's. Perfection!


When we arrived at the field on Sunday,
I got a baseball and we started "warming up."



He was a little pissed when I told him that was enough warm up pitches and we needed to rest his arm.


I was so nervous Will would 'choke' and not actually throw the ball once we got on the field and all eyes were focused on him.
Who was I kidding? I was completely wrong.
Of course he threw it. Like a champ!




Hopefully I have myself a little future baseball star.
Just not a pitcher, that is too nerve racking.

I know Patrick would be beaming from ear to ear and oh so proud of his boy. I know I am. I love you Will!

Thank you again Coach Rod for the opportunity. It meant the world to me and one day Will is going to cherish this greatly.


But wait, it doesn't stop there. Colin hit a walk off home run to complete the series sweep for the weekend!
Way to go Colin. A perfect ending to a perfect start.

Monday Memories

Will wasn't even a month old yet...
but that didn't stop Patrick.

He wanted a boy so bad.. and you can see why.
He just couldn't wait!

Happy 40th Birthday to my DAD!

Today was my dad's big 4-0 birthday!

Yes, you read right.. FORTY! No, you math wizards, he did not have me at 16. Doug is my step dad and my mom is robbing the cradle! I hope you had a good birthday and I can't wait to celebrate on Saturday. Thank you for being there for me, my kids and the rest of our family. You are so strong, smart and simply incredible. You are our rock. I love you! xo

Here is my and my dad <3


and another one I love

four months

I probably say this every month but I can't believe it. Four months. Seems like such a short period of time but with pain, grief and sadness it feels much longer. 

There have been so many times throughout the days where I think to myself, I would have called Patrick right now or vice versa. Calling him to tell him I was on my way home, calling to ask if he wanted to meet for lunch, calling to tell him something crazy Will just did or simply calling to see how his day was going. The simple things that we take for granted in our busy, everyday lives. I miss those simple phone calls.  

On my iPhone I have P listed as #1 in my favorites list. Of course I would, I called him the most. #2 on my list is mom's work number, which I call often. Numerous times in the past few months I have accidently called Patrick's number when trying to call my mom. Last week I just got it over with and deleted the # from my favorites list. It's too hard seeing his name at the very top every time I went to use my phone, knowing he wasn't there to answer. I cried my eyes out as I touched the red remove icon while driving back to our house. Removing my husband's cell phone number out of my phone. That's what you do when you break up or get divorced {the D word, that got P so upset, I will have to tell you that story another time.} I didn't want my marriage to end. I didn't want to remove my husband's # from my favorites list. That same number that I've been calling for the last 8.5 years I will never call again. I will never hear his voice on the other end. It somehow made it a little more permanent... 

Sometimes I still think to myself that I really can't believe this has happened- to me. 

He will always be my #1.

Monday Memories

Will's birthday is New Year's Eve (fun 21st birthday for him, right?). It being his 1st birthday this past NYE, it was important that Patrick and I spend & celebrate the day with Will, on his actual birthday. 

So on December 31, 2008 Patrick & I took Will to Downtown Disney for to celebrate as a family. We decided to eat at Rainforest Cafe thinking Will would enjoy the animated animals and realistic sounds. Every so many minutes the restaurant experiences a loud, interactive rainstorm, as the rain begins to pour, thunder roars and the animals come to life.

Will wasn't ready for the 1st rainstorm. 

He preferred checking out the fish with dad. 

They didn't make as much noise. 

but truely, he'd just rather stick his fingers in daddy's mouth. Cheap entertainment! 

This is my fav pic from Will's 1st birthday. 

"babysitting"

I love how he said he was "babysitting".
Hello honey, he is your child, you are not babysitting!
I guess this is what went on when I would leave Will with Patrick.

happy birthday & anniversary

yesterday was my mom's 46th birthday and today is my parent's anniversary. Happy birthday mom and happy anniversary to you both! I love you two so much. I can't tell you how much I appreciate your love, support and comfort during this difficult situation. My kids and I are so lucky to have you both in our lives. I honestly do not know where I would be without you both.
Love you lots! xo 

MM with a 1/2 hour to spare!

that's cute, huh?

I came across these while I looking for a new
FB profile pic. P and I went to the Finals series last year and had a blast!
We had tickets to go January 17th of this year,
we never made it.

I forgot I photoshopped the GO LAKERS tattoo off my face in the above pic for my FB profile! Oops! 


Thanks for taking me to the game tonight, mom.
It was fun to spend some time with you.

Monday memories a little late

Wish I would have remembered my MM post last night, might have been the pick me I needed. On my way to the Laker game right now but will post my Monday Memory when I get home. Let's hope it's still Monday then!

you left

for Colorado and didn't come back. 

Just your wedding ring, wallet and ashes came back. 

It just doesn't seem real. Sometimes I feel like you are going to walk through the door at any given moment... 

and I imagine Will's reaction when you ask, 

"Wherrrre's dadda's boy?" 

as you set down your baseball glove material brief case by the door and sweep your boy into your muscular arms.

How I only wish this was a bad dream

and not my reality.