There have been so many times throughout the days where I think to myself, I would have called Patrick right now or vice versa. Calling him to tell him I was on my way home, calling to ask if he wanted to meet for lunch, calling to tell him something crazy Will just did or simply calling to see how his day was going. The simple things that we take for granted in our busy, everyday lives. I miss those simple phone calls.
On my iPhone I have P listed as #1 in my favorites list. Of course I would, I called him the most. #2 on my list is mom's work number, which I call often. Numerous times in the past few months I have accidently called Patrick's number when trying to call my mom. Last week I just got it over with and deleted the # from my favorites list. It's too hard seeing his name at the very top every time I went to use my phone, knowing he wasn't there to answer. I cried my eyes out as I touched the red remove icon while driving back to our house. Removing my husband's cell phone number out of my phone. That's what you do when you break up or get divorced {the D word, that got P so upset, I will have to tell you that story another time.} I didn't want my marriage to end. I didn't want to remove my husband's # from my favorites list. That same number that I've been calling for the last 8.5 years I will never call again. I will never hear his voice on the other end. It somehow made it a little more permanent...
Sometimes I still think to myself that I really can't believe this has happened- to me.
He will always be my #1.
25 comments:
E: I can't even imagine.. {HUGS} F.
That is so hard. I'm praying for you. (I don't know that I ever commented but I've been creeping.)
Not that it really compares but when my grandmother passed away I kept her number in my phone for a long time and finally I decided I needed to delete it. When I did a message came up that said, "Do you really want to delete Grandma?" I was like NO!!! and was crying.
God will give you the strength you need.
I am so sorry. You and your family are always in my thoughts and prayers.
Erynn, I'm so very sorry. I couldn't imagine what that must feel like. I know that I'm sorry doesn't fill those voids, but I'm so terribly sorry that you have to go through these things without your #1.
Many {{{{{hugs}}}}}!!!!!!!
I wish you never had to do that E. I know how hard that must have been and I am so sorry for that. I still have my brother's house key on my key ring because I can't bare to take it off. Always thinking of you xoxo
Oh Erynn. :( It's the little things like this that really make it so hard. I know those random every day reminders are the worst. I'm praying for you.
Im so sorry Erynn. No one should have to go through this. Im thinking of you.
Oh, E. I'm so sorry. There are so many things you have to go through that I haven't even thought about. You can call me anytime, as you know. I still haven't deleted P's number from my phone.
Erynn, I am so sorry you have to experience all the things no one ever should have to experience!
I am so sorry. Reading this made me teary eyed. I will keep you in my prayers.
I'm sorry you have to go through this, E. I will continue to pray for you. You're so strong and you have a wonderful and supporting family to help you. {{HUGS}}
xoxo
gosh E I can't imagine. Things like that really bring reality to this tragedy. All those things you never think of that mean so much and you have to do them all. I think and pray for you all the time. xoxo
Awwwww E... (((hugs and tears)))
Thinking about you all the time!!!!
Erynn, i know you don't remember me from the knot but I remembered you. I was saddened when I learned the news of Patrick. You are strong woman, and I commend your strength. You have beautiful children as well.
I can't imagine how hard this is for you. I have to pick the right time to read your Monday post because I know I will be crying. You live with the pain every day and the strength you've shown amazes me. I wish I could give you a hug every monday while you write these hard memories you relive!!!
I can't even imagine. ::hugs:: You are constantly in my thoughts & prayers.
big hugs to you. you and your family are always in my thoughts.
Oh honey, I am sorry. This just breaks my heart. Hang in there, hon.
I'm sure this is going to be one of the hardest things you'll have to face in this life. But I hope to give you a bit of comfort when I tell you I know you'll see P again. I know that he will meet Reese. I know that God is midnful of you and your pain and your needs and He will help you.
I'm so sorry Erynn :-( Big hugs to you. I know how hard that must have been. I still haven't taken Aaron's number out of my phone or deleted his email from my list... and it's been 5.5 years. I wish you weren't having to go through any of this.
I am so sorry E. Thinking of you all the time. xo
I don't have any words that can make you feel better. I'm so sorry you're going through all of this. ((hugs))
:_(
I so know what you mean....i still have my moms home #, cell # and work #...i still call it when i;m really missing her, just hoping i will hear her voice in some mysterious way.....you are always in my thoughts.
xoxo
(((((Hugs))))
Sharob
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