starting him early

After Pepperdine's Sunday game all the kids were invited to run the bases. Of course WIll jumped at his first opportunity to get himself acquainted with the baseball diamond. Although he wasn't the first to make it around, more like the last...he just didn't want to show up his Daddy's running skills, yet. 

So we started off at home


Made it to 1st with the help of Uncle Sean & Colin




Safe at 2nd


Not wanting to leave 3rd, wonder why?

Admiring Daddy's handy work he did for Pdine during the off season.

Almost there!

SAFE! 

Hopefully I can add video soon...The entire crowd broke out in a cheer as Will touched home!

Will's 1st Pepperdine baseball game

Pepperdine baseball hosted its season opener this past weekend. For those of you who don't know, Patrick started 4 years at Pepperdine from 2001-2005. I spent a lot (to say the least) of time up in Malibu every weekend while I watched him follow his childhood dream. His youngest brother, Colin, is now wearing #8 at Pepperdine and playing 3rd, just like P.

My parents, Will, MIL, BIL FSIL and I all packed up a huge RV and headed to the beach for the weekend to support Colin.

It was weird to be back there, without Patrick. Afterall, I only went up there to see him play and spend time with him. We were just up there in November for the alumni weekend. He was looking forward to going to the games and watching Colin play... as was Bill. Oh, I'm sure Bill just couldn't wait to do that all over again! Mr. baseball junkie himself.

How could you not enjoy this view while taking in a 3 hour baseball game?


#8


Go Colin


My mom and MIL


Will taking in the game




Kisses from grandpa

how many strollers does it take?

time to sell a few! I just got my new Bumbleride Indie Twin {far right} and although I haven't used it yet, I love it! Now I just need to sell my Jeep jogging stroller and one of the Bugaboos.

do I even need a caption?

as the birth draws near

I get more and more scared, anxious, nervous. 

I'm not exactly sure what it is I'm scared of. I guess maybe it's  just not having Patrick there with me, to hold my hand, to tell me it's going to be ok and to meet our little girl.  Maybe I'm just scared of my own emotions that will come on that day. 

I know it will be amazing to hold her in my arms and look at her and see Patrick. I know some of the things I am looking forward to are picking out Patrick's features, introducing her to Will and starting a new bond with my baby girl... and of course revealing her name, that only P and I know! (Some of you think you know, but you have NO idea!) 

I know I will have tons of family, friends and support pouring out for me on that day... but no one can replace P. I just pray that I'll have courage and strength to get through that day, and everyday. 

Valentine's Day 2008

We were in Steamboat, Colorado with our 

sweet 6 week old baby boy, my parents and Patrick's family. It was our 1st

trip that we were all able to make it out to CO together. 

 

guess he wasn't too fond of his outfit or his fauxhawk

don't mind my post-lasik surgery eyes

Hope everyone has a great Valentine's Day, whatever you may be doing! 

Happy Valentine's Day Patrick. I love you babe. 

35 weeks down

5 weeks (or less) to go! I went to the Dr. yesterday and I am dilating and effacing. I am hoping this little diva wants to stay in there until March 17th. Everyone says to put my feet up and relax.. ha- they must have forgotten about my 13.5 month old who runs circles around me. I know I'm not in control so whenever she decided to make her much awaited debut, I am ready... so ready to no longer be pregnant. 18 of the last 24 months is enough!

i have to tell you about this dream

Since P's accident I don't feel his "presence" like some have told me they felt or whatever.. I haven't had any "signs" that he watching over me or "with me" ect.. Enter Kevin.

Kevin is a good friend of Patrick's. They lived together and played baseball together at Pepperdine. He came over yesterday afternoon to hang out with us for a couple of hours. As he sat on my couch he told me he had a dream the previous Friday about Patrick. Here is his dream as he described it to me, give or take a few details (I have a bad memory.)

"I was at a shoe store and all of a sudden I saw Pat. I yelled his name and he gave me a big hug. I knew it wasn't really him but his spirit. As we were walking outside you [Erynn] were walking up with Ashley [Kevin's wife]. I tried to tell you that Pat was here but you couldn't see him. I told Pat to tell me something only you [Erynn] and him would know so I could tell you and you would believe me that he was there. His mouth was moving but I couldn't hear any words.  I started to panic because I really wanted you to know he was there. He was standing on dirt so I told him to write it so I could read it. He wrote VALENTINE'S. "Tell her Happy Valentine's Day?" I asked? Then I started to hear his voice and he said to tell you 'Happy Valentine's Day.' "

I'm sure I screwed that up a little but you get the point. Kevin told it much better than I did and was very animated. I thought it was funny that it took place a shoe store, of all places. P loved his shoes! The only more appropriate place would have been Roger Dunn, his favorite golf superstore! He was always trying to convince me to stop by there anytime we drove by.

After this all happened I was thinking to myself, well, at least I don't have any major holidays I have to deal with right away. P always called Valentine's Day a "hallmark holiday." Then of course the 1st holiday I have to face is all about LOVE... with hearts, candy and lovey-dovey people everywhere I look and my Valentine isn't here. Then Kevin told me about this dream and I instantly felt comforted. I know he wishes me a Happy Valentine's Day, even if he thought it was a "hallmark holiday." Last year we were in CO for V-Day with our families and Will was just barely 6 weeks old. The year before that P took me to Mastro's for dinner. This V-Day we are going to Mastro's again and I am having a huge bone-in filet in honor of P, his fav!

One thing I love about that man was the fact that he would do something sweet and thoughtful for me on any given day.. not just because it was Valentine's Day~ the day EVERYONE is supposed to be getting a card, a heart shaped box of nasty chocolate or roses. I would come home from work and waiting for me on the kitchen counter were a dozen roses stuffed into an undersized vase- just because. I'd wake up in the morning and find a warm, toasted blueberry bagel (pg craving!) from my favorite bagel store down the street- just because. (well, maybe that was him trying to kiss-ass for going golfing those mornings, but who cares!) Happy Valentine's Day, babe. xo

it's been

a month since I saw Patrick. I looked at my phone earlier and saw that today is the 8th. He left for CO on January 8th. I can't believe it's been a month since I last saw him as he hugged and kissed me good-bye. Who knew that would be the last time I got to see him. You don't know and that sucks.

tonight

i am having a hard time comprehending the fact that i never get to hold Patrick's hand again, kiss his big lips, snuggle with him in bed or watch him play with Will. i just don't understand. i miss him so much. why does this happen to such good people. people who want to be here, people who love their families, people who do good for others. it's the hardest thing for me to try to wrap my head around. i keep hearing it will get better. i don't want it to get better. i want him back. that's how it would get better. how is never having him again going to get better? i just don't get it.

look what he saved

I am changing all of our household bills from Patrick's name to my name and some of the username/passwords I either didn't know or can't remember. So I did a forgot username/password online for some of our accounts and of course a few were sent to P's old AOL email. Well, my boy keeps it simple and uses 2 different usernames and passwords so it makes it easier for me to get into. I checked his AOL email to retrieve our cable username/password. Of course he never checks this email so there were 204 emails so I cleaned it up a bit and then saw a Saved Email file. I opened it and here is what I found: pics

turn your volume on, the song is one of the best parts! 

I love him.

too cute for words

my good friend Amber sent me this adorable Juicy bathing suit for my little girl. It's funny because just two days before I got the package, my mom and I were at Nordstrom and saw the bathing suit in the kid's department. We were so close to getting it but decided not to for some reason, 2 days later it was at my front door! Thank you so much Amber. I can't wait for summer so she can sport her trendy little bathing suit. Love you, A! xo

running in remembrance

Last October Patrick decided he wanted to run a marathon. He has never ran long distance running before, just 90 feet from base to base around a baseball diamond. He wanted to start following a training regime but would only do it if someone else would run with him. I told him not to look at me. My friend Michelle and I had just introduced our hubs to each other the previous month at an Angels game. They seemed to hit it off right away and became great buds. Patrick asked Heath if he would train and run the half marathon with him and the rest is history. They trained several times a week, following a strict running schedule. Come February 1st, they wanted to be prepared and set a goal for about 2 hours. That is a lot of running, if you ask me!


Patrick & Heath before a 10 mile run

Although Patrick and Heath weren't childhood friends or college buddies from back in the day, their friendship always seemed easy. Patrick would joke to Heath about being a geezer and Heath would fire back that Patrick couldn't keep up. You couldn't tell they had known each other for under a year. When the accident happened, Heath was understandably deeply effected. It was less than a month to go before the race date. I wasn't sure if Heath was going to run the race or not, I can't imagine the emotions he was feeling about the race and not having Patrick there to run by his side.

I was so excited when I learned he was going to continue on, finish their training schedule and run the marathon! I knew Patrick would be so proud and he would do the same if the roles were reversed. Michelle rallied up a ton of people, had shirts made and we all met down in Huntington Beach on race day. We stood on the sidelines waiting for Heath to cross the finish line. I was so eager to see him and with so many runners (18K!) I didn't want to miss him as he ran by. When he passed by us and onto the finish line, we all cheered and Heath pumped his arm in the air. I got chills and knew Patrick was right there with Heath.. running by his side for the entire 13.1 miles. Heath finished with an official time of 1:49:16! Under their original 2 hour goal! 


run Forrest, run



Thank you so much Heath for following through with the training and marathon. It meant so much to me (and Debi and my dad) to come watch you run and cross that finish line. I wish Patrick was there to run with you, so I could cheer you both on. You are a great friend and I cherish both your and Michelle's friendship. xo

me and Michelle

Heath wasn't the only one running for Patrick. Lindsey and her husband Taylor also completed the half marathon and wore shirts in Patrick's honor. I've even had friends who I didn't know were running the race call and tell me they saw Patrick's shirts on other people while running! The turnout was awesome.  A huge thank you to everyone who came out to support Heath and sported Patrick's shirts!

look at these people!

i love this pic

the ultimate journeys

Yesterday was the celebration of my dear husband and father-in-law's lives. Their ultimate journeys. It was a great way to honor them and a inspiring celebration with tons of photos, stories, testimony, tears and laughter. I just wish it was day I never had to face. The amount of people who turned out to show their love and support was beyond words. I really didn't look back from the front row to see all the people but I know the place was almost full. We are guessing maybe 1500 people, possibly more. Who knows. It was amazing to say the least. We requested that everyone wore "festive attire" no suits, no black ect. We wanted it to be a true celebration. My FIL always said he hated how miserable funerals were and how much he wanted his to a be a big party.. so we tried to honor that for him. Of course there were those who didn't get the word on the "festive attire" or maybe they felt it was disrespectful, no worries though. We were just glad they were there to celebrate with all of us. We hired a videographer to record the service so if we want, we can re-watch it at a later date but mostly for my babies to see one day. So they can see the amount of lives their daddy and grandpa touched and how much they were loved. I heard someone say earlier today, "Today is the start of our new lives." I don't really like "new life", maybe "new journey" is better. Which is so incredibly hard to fathom but I guess we have to face reality and think that way, or at least try to.