Tonight we headed down to the fun zone at the beach with my family, my cousin and her family. While indulging in a slice of pepperoni filled pizza my cousin's daughter {3} blatantly asked me, "Where is Uncle PP?"
I was paralyzed like a dear caught in headlights, shinning from every possible direction. I knew what she asked but I responded with, "huh?" hoping she would forget and move on.
No such luck.
"Where is Uncle PP?" she repeated.
My heart sank and my eyes filled with tears.
I thought I had time for these questions.
I wasn't ready to answer them, as her big brown eyes stared at me through her pink eyeglasses.
"Umm" I said, as I stalled to looked to my aunt
{her grandma} at the other table with a flashing HELP sign above my head.
"Heaven" my aunt said to me silently as I read her lips.
I leaned into her, took a deep breath and answered, "Uncle PP is in Heaven. Do you know where that is?"
She said yes and I asked where.
"Far away", she responded innocently.
Sigh. I wasn't ready for that and it hit me like a ton of bricks.
She was right. Far away. Too far.
But a far better place than where I am.
26 comments:
I wish so much that you could fast forward through those tough moments. Unfortunatley, you cannot. Instead, think of those moments as milestones in the grieving process. You just jumped one big hurdle even if the tears were flowing.
Uncle PP and Grandpa B are hangin' out in heaven together :)
You hear it all the time, but I will say it 'til I'm blue in the face - You are a strong woman, with a great family by your side. Take it one day at a time.
xxxo
Wow that just brought tears to my eyes, I can't even begin to imagine how you must have felt. I wish there was something to say to help ease the pain. Know that you are incredibly strong and your children are going to know about their father b/c of their wonderful mom. Stay strong.
I am so sorry you had to answer a question like this so early, but I guess any time would be too early.
Hugs to your for dealing with life one day at a time and being a great mom to your two little ones. One day they will appreciate so much what you are doing for them right now.
Stay strong.
As I sit here crying at my desk all I can come up with to say to you is I'm so sorry. I'm sorry you have to answer that question.
You are an inspiration to everyone. You are in my thoughts and prayers daily and I will continue to pray for peace and strength for you.
You are an amazing woman and you will get through this. It will never be the same, but you will be okay. You aren't alone, even though it may feel like you are. P will always be with you, helping you along the way.
xoxo
Jacki
oh my... my own eyes just filled with tears for you. I'm so sorry.
I believe P was looking down from above, helping you get through that conversation, and they will get easier to have as it is part of the grieving process for you. Take Care and stay as strong as you have been.
That totally made me tear up too. That question will never be easy to answer, but hopefully the innocence of a young child asking and the simplicity of the answer you had to give made the first time a tad bit easier. You are always in my thoughts and prayers.
Oh, Erynn... that totally brought tears to my eyes (too). I'm so sorry you have to deal with any of this... but what a wonderful answer to her question, and thankfully she accepted it and didn't push for more. What more can any of us say... but, still remembering you in my prayers.
Poor thing... I'm crying for you. I'm so sorry you have to go through this, E. You're strength is amazing.
{{{hugs}}}
Love the photos on your header. :)
As I look into my trashcan full of tissues, I remember when Uncle Ricci told me that Nana and Papa's divorce was the saddest thing that had ever happened in his life. I thought, we've had a very good life then, if this is the worst that has happened. Your situation is the saddest thing that I've ever experienced and my heart aches for you every day. I love you.
I cant imagine how painful that must've been :(
Loving the new look and pictures on your page! Wow Erynn! I'm sure that caught you off guard, but I'm sure it'll make you a lil stronger! Sending you hugs and prayers!XX
Erynn,
I really wish and have even prayed, that I had the right words to share with you, something that would take away your pain and make things easier. Im sorry that I dont have those words to share with you. Nothing I say will ever replace the pain that you feel and what you are going through, but I hope the wonderful memories you have with P and the light and the love you have for your children and what they have for you will enable you to get through those hard times.
You are in my daily prayers.
Hugs,
Jess
mrsgarland20
First off, I love the new blog set up and the pics. One gorgeous family. 2nd, I wish I had the right words, the right prayers to make all of this just an awful dream. But i will say you are so strong, you are such an inspiration that even the smallest things should be cherished, and that some small things should be let go. I'm so sorry you have to answer these questions, and i hope one day it will get easier to answer. Hugs.
oh wow. so heartbreaking. :(
It's amazing how such an innocent question can be so heartbreaking. It was very sweet of her to be thinking about her Uncle PP. He is remembered by so many people every day. My thoughts are with with, as always.
Wow, that brought tears to my eyes. You are still in my thoughts and prayers so much. One step at a time. I'm sure it feels like you are doing okay for a day or two and something like this arises. Hang in there, honey.
On a lighter note, I adore your new blog design!
big hugs, E! This totally got me all choked up. You're an amazing, strong woman and W & R are very lucky. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.
btw-love the new header! Definitely a beautiful family! xoxo
This brought tears to my eyes. ::hugs::
My eyes are welled up with tears, Erynn. I think of you often. Will and Reese are so, so fortunate to have you as their mother. Your strength amazes me. --Christina
That must have been really hard. :+(
Oh wow my eyes teared up fast. Questions like that must be so hard, so unexpected and bring everything back up. Everytime I read a post of yours it reminds how much I need to enjoy life at every moment, I don't know why that is something that is so easy to forget to do.
ok came back to say i love the new layout, can't wait to see you soon xoxo
You handled it with grace, just like everything else. My Mom has always told me that the best trait a woman can have is grace in difficult situations. You have grace, my dear. XO.
I love the way you write. You convey your feelings and thoughts perfectly. Love you and miss you tons.
Erynn,
You are so incredibly strong and I admire you. Reading this story brought tears to my eyes. I really am so sorry for both of your losses. Bill and Patrick were amazing people and we all miss them so much.
Stay strong
My prayers are with you & the rest of the family.
Post a Comment