I was in the car, driving back from some errands and grabbing lunch earlier today when I started to think about my life 4 years ago. What I was doing, where I was.. I loved where my life was heading and the excitement of the unknown in our future together. I knew no matter what, we were in it together. We were a team and we were ready for our ride through life. As these thoughts ran through my head while driving, my eyes started to water which led to bigger tears. I quickly slipped my sunglasses on and lowered the sun visor above my head to block other motorist from viewing my meltdown. The excitement that once ran through my body quickly transformed to uncertainty, doubt and fear of what my future held once Patrick died. Tomorrow marks what would have been our 4 year wedding anniversary. I'm the kind of person who doesn't think about events or dates far in advance. I think it's part of some healing mechanism within me... but everyone is different. For some reason it hit me a little bit today and I think it was good, I needed it. I reminded myself that I had the privilege to celebrate 2 wedding anniversaries with Patrick.. as the thought of this being our 2nd anniversary apart quickly followed. I know from here on out the number of anniversaries we've spent apart will outnumber those together.
4 years ago I thought I had a lifetime of anniversaries in our future.
18 comments:
Hugs to you on this day!!
praying for you. i am heartbroken over what you have been through the past few years. i have just recently read your blog and it made me cry...but i can see you are a strong woman with two beautiful children!
My thoughts, prayers and hugs are with you today, Erynn!
I'm glad that your still human. You should feel this way and you should. It's hard. I'm sorry.
**Hugs**
Happy Anniversary! I hope you're doing something special with the kids. xoxo
Thinking of you today, as I always do on this day. I am not celebrating anymore this year either... for a different reason... sometimes I wonder if it would have been easier to be in your situation - which is ridiculous, I know - than in mine. You'll always have this day to commemorate and celebrate your incredible love... cut WAY too short, but you'll ALWAYS have his love in your heart. ((hugs))
Thinking of you.
Happy Anniversary, Erynn. Hugs.
thinking of you. xo
Praying for you! I cant begin to understand what you've had to endure, but you are inspiration to me as a mom to read how you've pressed on in the face of such adversity. I love reading your blog! Thank you for sharing your journey with us.
Thinking of you today, E!
xoxo
Hugs! Patrick will forever live in your heart and in your beautiful kiddos.
Thinking and praying for you. ((HUGS))
Everything you do each day, for yourself and your two beautiful little ones, is a testament to your love for your husband. I can't begin to imagine how painful your anniversary must be, but it was the day God made you ONE, and so it will always be a truly precious and blessed day.
Praying for you!
Awww E... I love your strength...and I know that you will continue to be the brightest light for your kids... big hugs and Happy Anniversary... it will always be that for you :-)
Erynn,
What a tough hand you have been dealt at such a young age! You expressed your thoughts in this posting so eloquently and with such raw emotion. Keep looking inward to find the answers that make most sense to you and don't shy away from the hard moments. Believe it or not, all of these times will one day form the woman you will become on your journey through life. Someday, you will look in the mirror and see all you've been through and how much you have grown and you won't recognize that person staring back at you with such wisdom and insight.
My thoughts are never far from you and your family. Just know that your loss has touched many people who continue to learn from your example what strength means, what courage means, what heartache means and most of all what love means.
I hope to see you around town some time soon!
Just wanted you to know that you are in my thoughts and prayers.
Our prayers and thoughts are with you, but I know you are strong and you have moved forward in a good way, but you will always have his love in your heart and know that he is watching over you and happy for you
Linda
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