Over the last almost 3 (I can't believe it's almost been 3) weeks since this nightmare occurred we have met with several people who have helped us with grieving, questions, prayers and anything else. As much of these past weeks have been a huge blur, I remember a certain piece of advice specifically.
The chaplain from my dad's fire department was sitting on my couch and said, "Don't think about the years you aren't going to have together, but think of the years you had together." He is so right. I couldn't stop thinking about what we were going to do. Have a baby girl in a couple months, coach little league, build a house some day, baseball games, teach Will how to golf, live out all our dreams.. that is where I get torn up inside... all the things Patrick is going to miss, that I have to do without him. When I heard this piece of advice I really tried to think of the eight years we had together. Naturally, this is extremely hard to do because I feel cheated, like my future was just taken away from me, without notice.
When I think of just the past year alone, since Will was born, I think of all the great things we did. The trips we took, the Gymboree classes he would attend with me whenever he could, the mornings he would let me sleep in while he got up with Will & fed him breakfast and got him dressed (and was so proud of himself that he picked out the outfit), the day he took the day off work so we could go to Disneyland as a family for the 1st time.
All these little things, that we think are just everyday things, really mean a lot and make a difference when I reflect on just this past year we had, not the years we aren't going to have. Luckily, I have 8 amazing years to reflect back on.
13 comments:
God Bless you Erynn!! It is amazing how you can see the light in this dark time! Your strength is an inspiration!
That is the best advice I have heard Erynn! I completely agree. Yes, your time together was cut short, and we will never understand why. However, the time you guys did have together, you had a GREAT time!! You did more together than a lot of people do in a lifetime. You really LIVED as a couple & family. Those are the memories that will get you through!! Patrick still lives in you and your children! (((HUGS)) love ya, M
You are amazing. Cherish the memories, you guys did so many wonderful things together. I'm glad you have found a silver lining. xoxo
I agree, you are amazing! You can tell you guys lived your lives the way we all should, you embraced and loved every second to its fullest. Its inspiring to me and I am sure many others as well. xoxo
What a great way to look at it E! Such wonderful advice. I'm glad that you are able to cherish the 8 years that you had together and move forward knowing that Patrick will always be apart of who you are.
You two did more and accomplished more than some people do in a lifetime. Be proud of that. You two didn't wait around for tomorrow, you lived for the day.
Erynn, wow. You continue to amaze me. You guys truly did live each day to the fullest. I hope you remember and cherish those days and moments forever. I can't say it enough how inspiring you are to me.
I have been thinking of all the great things and places the three of you did during Will's first year. You will have so many pictures, and stories to tell him. You guys made the most out of everything you did and I am so glad you have SOO many wonderful memories together that you no one can take from you. You guys did such a great job living life to it's fulest.
E - I am SO glad you guys lived life to the fullest and always did what you could when you could. You had an INCREDIBLE 8 years with him and did more than what most people do in a lifetime! Definitely cherish all the times you had with him and remember he is always with you. I love you so much and will be here always :) xoxo
That was an amazing piece of advice. You and Patrick do have so many memories and you did have a great 8 years. I think it is so wonderful and amazing that you can think of it like that.
Erynn, I was led to your blog by Jenni. I sat here this evening & read through the entire thing & am in tears. My heart breaks for you, but this is such an amazing way to think of things!
You & your family are in my thoughts & prayers.
I am so proud of you and so grateful that you are surrounded by such caring, thoughtful, and wise people in your life. You were blessed with an amazing love, the kind that not everybody will experience. I love how you are using that as your "center" in this way.
Your wonderful husband would be proud of you, E.
Keep on sweetie, one foot in front of the other!
Always here, always sending thoughts of strength and hope your way.
'dee
Hi, Erynn-
I just found your blog via Jenni's... I saw Jenni's post about Patrick and his dad right after it happened - I remember you so well from the Fall knotties, etc. since we shared a wedding date.
My heart just breaks for you, Will, and baby girl as well as the rest of your family. I have been keeping you all in my prayers ever since... may God grant you strength and some comfort. And keep on remembering all those wonderful times. God bless you all.
Kimberly
(fall-love)
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