and it's already April. This year is such a blur. The last good memory I have of 2009 is Will's 1st birthday party on January 4th, 4 days before Patrick and Bill left for Colorado. I can hardly remember anything we've done since then, besides Reese's birth of course. I'm sure that's normal and will probably be that way for the rest of the year.
I don't know if I can say things are necessarily easier, 3 months into it. Especially with adding another person into the mix. She has brought a lot of joy and love to our family though.. I love seeing Will with her and you can't help but smile when you see him kiss her.
I am reading a book called "Let me grieve but Not Forever" and while it is taking me forever to finish it, when I do get a chance to read a few pages I find I can relate to the author's thoughts and emotions (she lost her husband in a plane crash.) I read today about her realizing the finality of it all. That's what I have trouble with myself. It's not like I can text Patrick, call him or even gmail chat with him like we used to. All communication was completely stopped, with no warning, no final good bye, no final anything.
Just totally turned off.
So not fair.
These 3 months without him already feels like an eternity, I can't imagine what the rest of my life is going to feel like without him.
14 comments:
I was just thinking about you Wednesday - I can't imagine what you are going through. I'm glad that you have someone/something that can relate - even if it's only a book. XOXO. F.
Xoxoxox. Giving you and your MIL "high fives" all around.
Thinking of you. I hope the book brings you lots of comfort. xoxox
Sounds like the perfect book for you. I still find all of this hard to believe myself. My heart will forever hurt for the pain you have and continue to feel. I cannot imagine it. All I know is I admire the person you are, the mother you are, your strength, your ability to share your grief as well as your strength, your outlook on it all...you are amazing Erynn. For what it's worth, thru your experience, I think you have changed a lot of lives. Patrick and Bill would be SO proud of you...or I should say ARE so proud of you. Love you.M
You AMAZE me. Your strength is truely inspiring. I hope your book brings comfort and understanding. XOXO
I dont think I can even top what Michelle said - its my exact thoughts and words. You amaze me and you and your family are always on my mind and in my prayers. xoxo
The only thought I had as I read the end of this post was that maybe you should write P a letter. Get in your final good-bye.
Everyone has already said everything so well. You are an amazing person and I admire your strength. I hope you can find some peace in the book you are reading and I think Island Roys has a wonderful suggestion. It helped me a lot in the past. Hugs.
big hugs...
You have amazed through this all, your strength for your babies is unbelievable but I cannot imagine how painful and heartbroken this year has been for you. I think and pray for you every single day.
I think about you all the time Erynn. I can't wait until it starts to get a little easier.
Not a single day goes by that I do not think of Patrick, you and the kids. Love you all so much. You are an unbelievable woman and I am so happy you're one of my best friends. I could not ask for more. I'm always, always here for you no matter what.
That book sounds like a fabulous tool. It is not fair that is for sure. Your strength is amazing and Will and Reese are lucky to have you as their mom.
BIG hug to you xoxo
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