Like one Anonymous person asked, "How do you have a MIL when you aren't married anymore?" I didn't respond. I'm not sure if they are seriously asking that or being a jackass. Then today someone said something like "... now your a widow no longer a wife." Honestly, I don't know if these people really realize what they are typing. Are they trying to be sincere? My husband DIED, I know I'm not technically married. Those papers I got in the mail that said MARRIAGE END DATE: 01/11/09 made sure I knew too. Try opening those up to read those words about your marriage you didn't want to end. Finally, a comment from another Anonymous {noticing a trend? I know there are far more good anonymous users out there though!} tonight... while I was at my MOTHER-IN-LAWS, yes she will always be that to me, with 50+ other family and friends trying to be together on the 1 year anniversary.
I came home to read this:
"I googled and found some articles about the crash. It sounds like it could have been avoidable if they didn't take off in weather they did, which makes it all more sad. In life we must take our time especially if it is for safety. I am so sorry for your loss and I'm sure Patrick wishes he waited for clear weather than taking off in a winter storm."
Yeah, I'm sure Patrick wished. I wish the dead could make wishes. I mean seriously? Really? Do you know anything about what you are talking about? You must have missed the part in the article where they waited an extra day to come home because of weather? Do you the capabilities of a PC 12? Google that while you are at. Did you know he called to tell me it was snowing, they were cleared to take off, other planes were taking off? I'm sorry if I am going off a little and maybe this is the reaction some people wanted.. which is why I never respond to those stupid comments/questions. I asked some friends tonight if they think these people are really that dumb to ask how I still have a MIL or are they really that mean spirited? They said they are really that dumb. If you think these words are comforting, you need to google the definition of comfort. We don't control our own destination. God is in control.
NOTE TO YOURSELF: these are things NOT to say to a WIDOW, who is no longer a wife.
ps: I won't be addressing your nasty comments again... just deleting them. So waste your time all you want. =) xoxo
119 comments:
Hunny...in God's eyes and your you will ALWAYS be a wife to Patrick...maybe not the way it used to be but in your heart!! And, you MIL is just that YOUR MIL!!! I am so sorry that there are people out there like that. Erynn...those kind of people will not and probably never have experienced the kind of love you have and do still have from your family and from Patrick. Like I said on FB...shame on them!!!
Please, try not to let it get to you....
I'm so sorry Erynn. Unfortunately some people are that dumb and others are just *beep*. Debi IS your MIL, Patrick IS your husband, and you ARE his wife. Hugs.
Amen Erynn! I always read your blog and posts on facebook and always want to write something to you. But, most of the time, I am completely speechless. There's nothing anyone can say to take away your pain, but you obviously have an amazing family and plenty of wonderful friends who surround you and comfort you. We all pray for you and your ADORABLE kids daily, but this you already know. I do hope that 2010 is a much better year for you, Debi and your families. You have two amazing men watching over all of you.
Oh sweet lady.
You know what - I can't understand people - and you should NOT have to hear those things.
They are insensitive, they are terrible - and remember for every ONE of those rude, awful humans there are hundreds more of us that are supporting you and sending you our love.
You are a wife.
You are a daughter-in-law.
And you are mother to Patrick's two beautiful children.
We do not control our own destination and God is in charge. Keep your chin up and we are all here to support you!
*Hugs*
Erynn, I am so sorry that some people are so insensitive and cold hearted. They apparently do not know what they are saying and have nothing better to do.
I am so sorry for your losses. Bill & Patrick were two very amazing men & I am glad I had the experience of meeting them.
You and your children & the rest of the family are always in my prayers.
Keep your head up!
I'm sorry such insensitive people are making this time that much harder for you. I would like to think that they are really that dense, and not just mean. There are hundreds (probably thousands) of people sending you well wishes and prayers every day! You will always be a wife, mother and daughter-in-law. Take care and hugs!
I am dumbfounded!!! I cannot BELIEVE some people! Who the h3ll do they think they are?! I wish you could jump through the internet and throat punch them! I am so upset, I am so sorry you ever have to read such trash.
God Bless you, your MIL, and your family!
So sorry to hear of such cruel comments. The natural tendency is to focus on the horrible comments, instead of the good ones. Hopefully you can switch that - hug the love in your life and ignore the stupid things people say.
I am so sorry that there are people out there that are so rotten, on purpose, or otherwise. I personally think that you are doing a great job playing the horrible hand you were dealt and I can only hope and pray that if I am ever in your same situation, that I will be able to handle myself with half the grace and spirit that you have.
You are an excellent mother, daughter, daughter in law and wife. You will always be P's wife in God's eyes, no matter what some stupid government issued piece of paper says.
Again, I am so sorry and disgusted by the sheer lack of tact of a/some of your followers. I do not know you, and you do not know me, but if you have to make your blog private to keep the riff-raff out, I totally understand and will continue to pray for you, W, R and D (and the rest of your family).
Take care...
Oh Erynn! What idiots! I saw that wife/widow comment and thought that's what you were referring to on FB...but it looks like it just got worse! I think you should take your book idea to the next level-Grief for Dummies! xoxoxo
Tracie
I'm thinking of you and your beautiful babies today Erynn, you're always in the back of my mind... I don't always know they exact words to express the correct sentiments at the correct time, but those people sending you those things are rude, heartless, insensitive, stupid JERKS! (had to censor myself from using the word I really wanted there) You know in your heart the truth and that's what really matters, and while I can't even begin to feel what you feel or know what you're going through, Patrick and your FIL will forever live on in you, your MIL, and in those beautiful children you two made together.
Sending you big hugs on what I am sure is an indescribably difficult day.
xoxo
Kells
You will always be a wife and a daughter in law...!
Sorry you have to read such horrible things. People aren't in your shoes so they have no idea the relationship you have with your MIL so they can not judge you.
You know whats best for you, your MIL and your children and no one can judge you for the path you take.
WOW people have some nerve. I'm sorry you had to read those things, you definitely don't deserve it.
What Jack asses!!! Im so sorry Erynn, I can't even imagine how those comments made you feel when they even made tears come to my eyes.
I agree with AMS - those people are CLODS! Dumber than Dumb! If they would only stop and think before they let their fingers start running all over the keyboard! These people have the compassion of a speck of dirt!
As AMS says, you have more people than you know that think about you every day and are praying for you and Debi and the other members of your families. Pay absolutely no attention to the insensitive jerks--why they take the time to even respond is beyond me.
I really cannot believe that anybody would leave such comments. What are they thinking? Are they thinking? I just don´t get it!
Please know, that there are people all around the world whose lives you have touched by letting us in on your story. I know I am repeating myself from comment to comment, but you are such an amazingly strong woman and a true inspiration for all of us.
*Hugs*
I'm so sorry that insensitive people are commenting with these hurtful words, you definitely don't deserve that!!
As others have said, you will always be Patrick's wife, and his family will always be your family as well. Try not to think about the idiots who either don't know better or are just jerks, and know that there are tons of people out here praying for/thinking of you and your family every day!
Some people seriously don't think.... or they just CANT think because they are self centered idiots who have never lost someone dear to their hearts. Its about time you confronted them! Erynn, you are FOREVER a wife, a mother, and a daughter-in-law and dont listen to anyone else but your own heart.
oh, honey. some people are just assholes. They are misreable and want everyone around them to be misreable. You ARE a wife and you DO have a MIL. P's family IS your family. They always will be. You are constantly in my thoughts and prayers. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't lift your family up. Keep your head high. xoxox
Sadly, I think people are just that mean spirited. Especially considering some of the background you've had with Internet stalkers. :( It's awful. The worst part is that just one or two comments like that stick out so much more than all the nice comments. I hope you are all doing well and I'm praying for an amazing year for you guys!
I've never commented before, but I wanted to say I'm so sorry people are being so hurtful. You've been through so much and for people to be rude and hurtful just disgusts me. You clearly have an amazing MIL and family and I sincerely wish nothing but the best for you and your family. You deserve it.
I will be the anonymous writer to say those other anonymous writers are jackass'. No one would ever wish something like what you have taken on in the past year to their worst enemy. Because your husband and your FIL's lives came to all to short of a standstill, that does not end who they are to you or change titles. Like the other comments read- try not to let those idiots get to you and keep in mind all of us other anonymous peeps who you will never meet or know, but pray for strength and peace for you daily.
God Bless you Erynn.
How dumb can people be to post comments to you like that. Unless they are a widow themselves they have no way of know what it is like for us on a daily basis. You MIL will always be your MIL you husband will always be your husband. It is not like you choose to have this happen and your and your childrens lives be completely turned upside down. You are an amazing mother and daughter in law.
Dea
(a widow of 3 years and a lurker)
Erynn,
Pardon my language.... but if I were you, I'd just tell them to go fuck themselves.
I am an anonymous writer because I don't have a google account. But I am not hiding behind it either. I live in Toronto, Canada and have been reading your blog anonymously for months now and am amazed every day at the courage and poise with which you live your life after such a tragic event.
To the anon's out there that feel the need to say stupid shit .... go fuck yourselves!
Keeping you and your children in my thoughts and heart always, Erynn.
Lisa in Toronto
Sorry you have to read som many thoughless and strange comments. I agree Debbie will always be your MIL. It doesn't matter if it is death or divorce, most people don't just cut off all family connections. I also heared something really sweet the other day concerning in laws. I have always hated the term "in law". This person used the term in love- sister-in-love, mother-in-love. So sweet. I like it better.
Erynn,
I don't know you; a blogger I follow linked me to your blog in a post of her own. I just want to say that I am so so sorry for all you and your mother in law have been through over the past year. Even though I have never met you or communicated with you in any way I thought about you and your family all day yesterday. It made me so sad to think about your children not knowing their father and grandfather. It made me sad to think about you raising them all on your own. How much you must miss your husband and how lost you must feel at times. I cannot even imagine how hard it all is for you.
That being said, you are a person of great strength. Look at what you have found yourself capable of doing! And I say, good for you in publishing this most recent post. People can be so cruel and ignorant. Don't listen to them. But don't back down from what they say to you either. You have every right to respond to their idiocy in a graceful manner as you have so shown here. And as for you and your mother in law - those people have CLEARLY forgotten that in the event of someone's passing people often become even closer. Not to mention - you are the mother of two of her grandchildren! You two will always, always be family.
Continuing this blog at all after your husband's passing was a very brave thing to do. If all those people who left such insensitive comments can't understand that, they have a serious disconnect with reality.
I hope you will continue blogging about your and your children's lives. I will certainly be reading.
All the Best
Ashley Renz
I'm sorry there are people out there who don't stop and think before they type. Some people are pathetic enough to want to go out of their way to be mean. You and your family are in my prayers!
I'm sorry there are people out there who don't stop and think before they type. Some people are pathetic enough to want to go out of their way to be mean. You and your family are in my prayers!
I'm sorry there are people out there who don't stop and think before they type. Some people are pathetic enough to want to go out of their way to be mean. You and your family are in my prayers!
Erynn, you ARE Patrick’s wife and you will always be his wife.
I can’t imagine why someone would think it’s okay to write those things to you. It makes me want to cry because someone can be that stupid, mean and insensitive. Please just know that there are so many people out there pulling for you, thinking of you and praying for you daily.
You will always be Patrick's WIFE, Erynn. Don't let them get you down. You are so strong. You are doing the best you can and it's so easy for an anonymous poster to kick you while you're down. I really do feel that it's shear stupidity on their part. You know in your heart that Bill and Patrick would not leave unless they felt it was safe. They had way too much to live for. It was an accident. A horrific accident.
Keep your head up hun. You have 2 beautiful babies and wonderful family and friends to lean on. You're allowed to be angry...but don't let them get you down.
{{{hugs}}}
xoxo
Erynn,
I have been reading your blog for awhile now but never commented...until now. I am so sorry that you have to with the thoughtless anonymous comments. You are so brave and have had to experience things that are unimaginable to most of us. Thank you for sharing your life and my thoughts are with you and your family.
I do not understand the people that would say those things. Some of it I think is not meant to hurt -- people just don't realize that what comes out of their mouths sounds so stupid, IS so stupid, and hurts so much. But unfortunately, there are others that are just mean. I don't get it!! Delete them, or simply just reply to them with "You're mean. Shame on you!"
I'm praying for you every day. Nope, we don't know each other, but I think of you and pray just the same each day when I sit here at work and take a minute to check your blog. I'll start to pray that the meanies go away too.
I never comment on any blogs I ever read but this morning reading your post I felt the need. I can't believe how insensitive people are, it amazes me. I feel horrible that after all that you have been through you have to read those comments. Just know that you are stronger than those people and that you have more life experience and compassion than any of those people will ever have.
Oh, and another thing -- my husband's first wife died 10 years ago - 34 years old, completely sudden. He still calls her parents his in-laws. They call him their son-in-law. That's just the way it is. People who think otherwise don't understand what your situation truly is.
Thank you everyone! You crack me up with some of your comments (especially Lisa in Toronto!) My mom told me to tell you she loves you! That's exactly what she wanted to tell these people!
On another note, I love all the comments from everyone, anonymous or not- I understand not everyone has a google account.. I don't mind at all! xoxo
Erynn
It still astounds me how mean spirited people can be. Especially to brave people such as yourself. People who are willing to tell their story to the world. Keep your head up!
Erynn,
First off, I just wanted to add my voices to all of the others as I commend you for getting to the place you are with such grace, dignity, and poise. You haven't just "survived" this first year, you have triumphed through it. When I look at the pictures of your sweet children and see them smiling, I think of all that it took to make their lives happy, and that it was YOU who did that, in spite of your own pain.
I am very sorry that people left you mean and insensitive comments. I am not sure why some people cannot just say "I'm sorry." I think it might be because they do not feel that it's enough and they want to say more. In the face of what you have lost, those two words seem so inconsequential. They long to say more, to do more, to be more for you in the absense of your husband.
I know that I often come here and leave in tears, without leaving a comment because I do not know what to say. I think I have already left "I'm so sorry" so many times that leaving it again just doesn't seem right.
In any case, I think that it all goes back to what our mothers told us for years: If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all.
I am always thinking of you and your sweet family, today and always.
Wow. I'm sorry about what you've had to hear from some very insensitive people. Great blog post. I admire how you handle these people and situations with grace. Patrick has a wonderful wife and Debi has a fantastic DIL.
Aww . . . Erynn . . . some people really are just dumb!! And some people just have no idea what to say. And some people think they're saying something helpful but beause they've never had the experience themselves, they have no idea. I've been where you are but lost a child as well . . . the hurt never goes away . . . it just changes somehow. I like your description of 'scabbed' - that is exactly right! For some odd reason, it really helps to have all the first anniversaries behind you - birthdays, Christmas, one year from the accident, etc.. You are amazing - keep up the good work, take care, and cry hard when you need to. Hugs, Jeanette
I read your blog, but have never commented. I found it through someone else's. Those people are definitely dumb and probably think they are saying something smart or comforting, but have done the opposite. I am sorry you have to hear those things.
My grandmother also lost her husband at a young age while she was pregnant with her second child, my mom's brother. He died suddenly and it was also written about in the newspaper. That is how I found out what happened, by stumbling upon the article. She never spoke of the pain she went through or her loss. She is now gone, but reading your blog makes me realize what she might have gone through, but never spoke of. You are very strong and I am so sorry your husband is not here with you to enjoy your two precious babies. It looks like you have amazing friends and family.
Erynn,
I think if these stupid people have ever experienced any type of real love, they would know that oftentimes, no matter the circumstance, when you love someone, you are bonded to them in some sort of way. The fact that you love Patrick, you are married and had two children together doesnt change because of his passing. This is not how either of you wanted things to be, so yes, he is your husband, the father of your children and his blood family is STILL your family, his mother your MIL and I dont think anyone has any right to say differently. I am sure it is hard, but try not to let the stupid comments get to you. It is easy to see by the way you have handled different situations, you are a far better person than the stupid people.
I am thinking of you and the kiddos this week and always.
Erynn, I've never written but after reading the latest I had to--my Dad died suddenly when I was 12--i was the youngest of 10 & there were 6 of us under 21 @ home. My oldest sister had died 2 years before. My dear mother left -- it will be 5 years the 15th; 5 of her children died before her--she was still the mother of 10. My mother amazed me as YOU & your WONDERFUL MIL--when my dad died, people called my mother & asked what she was going to do w/us younger kids--I'm going to raise them--we were extremely poor, but she kept us together, the older ones helping w/the younger etc. I always thought my mother had a somewhat tragic life & seeing the hurt on her face seeing those caskets lowered into the ground. I admire you & I think you're one tough/brave mother & WIFE. GOD BLESS YOU
I live in northern MN but am from TN originally. I have 1 brother & 1 sister left--in my Mom's family, we're the older generation & I feel I'm too young--61 to be the OLDER Gen, brother 71 & sister 66. Overall I think my family died young, sister 22, brothers 39, 41, 48, 61, 66, 73 & my Dad 47, but then I think of your beloved Patrick. I think of your MIL & remembering my mother always saying the loss of a child is the worse hurt there was. She said you never get over the hurt & she lived to be 88, but always had that sad faraway look in her eyes when talking about her husband & children who had gone on. I read your blog & just love it -- praying for you .
long time creeper, first time commenter. erynn, those people are just jealous that you had 9 years with an amazing man that loved you and that you are blessed with an in-law family that is 'da bomb'.
remember that next time: all haters are just jealous.
People can be so dumb and rude sometimes.I feel so sorry for these heartless people for they will never know what true love /relationships are,once you love anyone enough .....the realtionships cement forever ,they cant be erased that easily.My thoughts are with you and your family.
Wow, some people are so very ignorant. It is amazing how people can voice opinions when they have no clue how it feels to got thru what you went thru. You will always be Patricks wife in Gods eyes. Keep on being the strong woman you are!
I'm a lurker. I come to your site often because I admire you. I admire the strong woman you are who is dealing with so much more than I could ever handle. You are amazing! You are beautiful! Your beautiful children are lucky to have you as a role model and as a mother. You are full of love. Hopefully, this doesn't strike you as coming from a weirdo. I'm not. I'm just sincere. And to all the mean, thoughtless people out there, I just want to say...You. All. SUCK.
Erynn, I am so sorry that you have to deal with seeing painful comments from cowardly anonymous commenters. If a parent loses a child, then are they no longer a mother or father? Of course not!
By the same token, you and your MIL will never stop being wives to your beloved husbands, W and R will always be P's children and he will always be their daddy. Your MIL will always be your MIL, always be your children's grandmother, and those relationships do not change simply because of the tragedy that took your men to heaven.
You will all be together again in glory in time... in the meantime, you are an inspiration - your strength and grace in the face of the difficult hand you've been dealt are amazing.
Some people are such idiots. I agree with Lisa! Many T&P for you and your family this year!
If only you could just reach through the computer sometimes and ring their neck through the monitor! Since that isn't possible, I'll just say that they are definitely "Daryls and Darlas" on the other end typing those! Love you buttercup! XOXO
Erynn,
I too have been reading your blog and have never left a comment until now. I will forever remember January 11 and I am not even related to you! That's how much your story has touched me.
I was thinking of how the anniversary was coming up in a few days when I got the terrible news on January 8th that a good friend of mine had just died in a plane crash and he leaves behind a wife, also a friend. After reading the news articles about it, I was blown away at the insensitive comments left by readers. Do they not think his wife and family will READ those comments?? They were anything from calling him reckless, stupid, and chilling/gory witness accounts of those who saw the crash.
Just letting you know that I enjoy reading your blog and hope that those insensitive readers take note and be more responsible with their words!
Erynn, I've been thinking about you the past week knowing that this date was coming. I'm so sorry there are so many insensitive people out there. But, for every rude and insensitive person, there are hundreds more pulling for you and wanting you to never feel another day of hurt in your life. You know that Patrick will always be your husband and his family will always be yours. That's the problem with having a blog. Anyone can read it. Even the people you don't want to :) And I know you don't have to write this blog, but I thank you for doing so. It reminds all of us everyday to hug our loved ones a little tighter and never take a day for granted.
I hope 2010 brings you nothing but happiness!
Drew
This just breaks my heart. I have been following your blog for a few months now, since a friend told me about your story. Like many, I have cried all the way through it. I cant believe there are people on here that are so mean-spirited or just plain dumb. Please just remember that family is FOREVER! No matter life nor death these people are your memories and love and dont let any one take that away from you. I'm so sorry you have had such a hard time. Please keep blogging and sharing your journey. You give me strength in ways you dont even know.
i think the first order of business should be to no longer allow anonymous comments. they are cowardly at best. unfortunately, though, even people who leave their names will still be seen by you one way or the other. some people can be so viscious. in my opinion, you will always be patrick's wife, even if at some point you were to re-marry. not only are those comments insensitive, they are hateful. those people should be ashamed of themselves. and how awful for your mil to be excluded as an important memeber of your family. she lost her husband, too, and those are her grandbabies. people like that really get my blood boiling. i will pray for peace for your family.
Erynn, some people are ignorant, some are idiots and some are miserable and misery loves company! you are stronger and bettter than all of them! keep your head up and stay strong! your MIL will always be your MIL! family is family always! Patrick will always be your hubby and W & R's father! Thanks for sharing your journey with all of us! XXX
Just awful! Seriously, what happened to the motto "if you have nothing nice to say, don't say it all". I ponder everyday as to why there are so many heartless people in this world. Sorry you have to read those cruel comments.
Keep carrying on with the courage and strength you have shown throughout the year. You are a true inspiration, an outstanding mother and a dedicated WIFE! No matter what anyone or any paper says, it is what is in your heart that counts. Best wishes for 2010!!
A little poem below!
We little knew that day,
God was going to call your name.
In life we loved you dearly,
In death, we do the same.
It broke our hearts to lose you.
You did not go alone.
For part of us went with you,
The day God called you home.
You left us beautiful memories,
Your love is still our guide.
And although we cannot see you,
You are always at our side.
Our family chain is broken,
And nothing seems the same,
But as God calls us one by one,
The chain will link again.
Erynn,
Those people are assholes. Seriously. I cant imagine how you felt after reading those hurtful things. Hugs Honey.
That said, after following you and and your Dear Mother in Law's journey, we've all learned from your experience. Weve all learned to hug our loved ones tighter, give them kisses and love and live each day to the fullest.
Your strength is astounding.
xoxo
Anonymous, I won't post your response to my post bc clearly you are missing a sensitivity chip. Did I say it was "perfectly clear?" I said he called and told me itvwas snowing. I'm not here to argue with you. And I don't care about what peoples opinions are from a news article. The FAA report is the only opinion I care about. I'm not trying to be rude just trying to open peoples eyes about what they write. Thank you for the well wishes.
Oh Erynn... people really are unbelievably stupid. You will always be a wife, and she will always be your Mother in Law.
I'm so sorry these hurtful things were put in front of you on a day that was already difficult.
Know that Patrick must be so proud of his beautiful wife, raising his beautiful babies- and that that will never change, no matter what some 'anonymous' internet idiot says. Big hugs, girl.
I'm so sorry that with everything, you have to face additional annoyances in disguise of anonymous comments. People just never learn to be considerate or sensitive..unless they're put through the same (God forbid).
It makes me angry, so I can only imagine the effect it can have on you.
Love,
Nahl.
I wish i had the right words to say to those jackasses that say such horrible things to people. But there are NONE because there is nothing NICE to say to those people. You ARE and WILL always be Patrick's wife. Debi, Colin and Sean WILL always be your in laws. God may take important people away but he NEVER takes our family away. And thats your own and the family you created.
Not only are you stronger than I am, and probably all your readers, but you are a wonderful mom to those kids, a great daugher, daugher in law, friend and beyond. Screw those people.
Go get em Erynn!!!xxoo
Okay, E, I am guilty, I have not read your blog in MONTHS, Jim cut me off from any extra curricular blog reading, lol, so I could get a little sleep, or work done, lol, but was thinking of you today and wanted to check in. I haven't had a chance to read the other comments on this post so forgive me if this is a repeat, but the people that write those things are very sad and lonely individuals. They are sickos that have to make other's hurt to make themselves feel better. And what better way to make a bully happy than picking on someone especially on a weak day. UGH!!! This just pisses me off. I'm sorry, Erynn, you should NOT have to read that BS and I will be HAPPY to volunteer to be your blog administrator and block and delete all of those a-holes!!!!! xo
The assholes you mentioned, Erynn, are just a few of the reasons why eventually I stopped allowing anonymous comments on my blog. I only got a few comments--3 or 4, maybe, over the course of a year--that stung, but after listening to other blogger friends who don't allow anonymous comments and/or moderate comments first, I turned off anonymous comments too. And I haven't gotten a single nasty one since. But it was a big inner debate for me before I did it. I'm sure I lost a few comments along the way, ones that may have been touching and wonderful...but more importantly, I lost all the stinging ones. I'll still get a few that rankle a little, but at least there's a real (more or less) person behind it, and they've apologized--publicly, in the comments, and also in email--for what they said after the fact, once I called them on their comment.
But I'm so sorry people could be so rude and insensitive. And yeah, maybe I'm cynical, but I do think many people really are that dumb.
Hang in there, Erynn. Sending you lots and lots of hugs....
Erynn, I'm so sorry that you have to be subjected to such stupidity. You shouldn't have to deal with that. For the anonymous person who's saying stupid, insensitive comments, why argue about the weather? Arguing now can't change what happened. You are talking to a grieving wife, mother, daughter in law.
I know that you're a christian and I'm really sorry if this offends you but I'd like to say to those people GO F*** yourself!!!! Seriously -that's the last thing you have to deal with.
You'll always have a MIL, FIL, BIL, SIL, husband and an amazing family supporting you 100%...
Those jack asses must have a miserable life.
Erynn,
I coincidentally came across the news of your husband/FIL just yesterday through a link on one of our mutual wedding vendor blogs.
I never personally spoke with you or knew you personally, but I feel I knew you enough through theknot when I was getting married...I was always reading your posts and entries with photos on your latest and greatest wedding additions. Your wedding was highly anticipated on the OC board and I remembered your name ever since then...even when you carried over to thenest and thebump. :)
I was completely devastated to learn of your tragedy. Words cannot express how sorry I am for you and your entire family. It's obvious that they were a couple of amazing men and that our world is at a loss without them in it.
I am so very happy I found your blog and I look forward to following you on your journey. You are an inspiration to me and have already taught me the importance of making each day count.'
You and your entire family are in my thoughts and prayers...always :)
xoxo
Melissa
Hi, Erynn I have been following your blog for some time now but never commented! Just wanted you to know that I think about you and your MIL often! I too am young mom to two kids and I just dont know how you do it! Your amazing!!! Im also amazed at how stupid people can be! To all those stupid people...FAMILIES ARE FOREVER!!!
xoxo Emily
I hope and pray that anyone who has written or e-mailed these kinds of comments will consider this post a "wake-up call." Think before you speak - the things we say do have an effect on other human beings.
And may we all remember the words of St. Matthew:
But I say unto you, that for every idle word that men shall speak, they shall give account thereof in the day of judgement. For by thy words thou shalt be justified, and by thy words thou shalt be condemned.
- Matthew 12:36-37
God bless you, Erynn. And I echo what Cristin said above - if you needed to make your blog private at some point, it would not affect the state of my prayers for you, your mother-in-law and your family.
Erynn...
We don’t really know each other but I am in your mom's group and I have followed your blog for a few months now. I HAD to comment on this post. I am seriously in shock over the type of comments you receive. You are a wife who lost her husband suddenly...P is and will always be your husband. For people to even say different is ridiculous. And your MIL, the grandmother to your kids will always be your MIL. Both of you lost your husbands...you have a connection that no one will ever understand. You need her and she needs you. You are an amazing mother Erynn...your children are very lucky to have you as their mother.
I hope after your post those comments stop. I am sure part of the reason you started this blog was to help grieve and remember P and you FIL...people need to respect that.
Take care
aimeeb
Hugs to you, Erynn. I'm sure a year ago you could not imagine coming this far after losing such a big part of who you are. You are courageous and I am forever in awe of your strength and enduring love. Hoping for the best for you and yours in 2010.
tata anonymous. God bless you. You need it ;)
Your last name is still Rooney right? Therefore Patrick is still your husband and his family is still your family! People are inherently rude and evil, they have no idea what it is like to be in your shoes... It wasn't by choice that Patrick was taken away from you and your children. YOU ARE STILL HIS WIFE! Keep smiling Erynn, you have beautiful children, a beautiful extended family and a beautiful HUSBAND watching down on you from heaven! :)
Seriously, that is disgusting! I am embarrassed for our humanity when I hear about things like that. I'm so sorry for your loss!
Erynn,
I too like many have read your blog for a long time but never posted, mainly because I never know what to say. I "knew" you from JS and I think of you and your family often. I am so sorry for everything you have been through and I am glad that one year on from such a tragic event you have been able to find a little peace in your new world. My wish for you is that you continue to mend. I am so glad that you have such a wonderful family to help support you. You are doing such an amazing job.
I am so sorry that cowards on the internet would post such hurtful comments. There is no need and it is disgusting. Erynn, you deserve better. Please know that there are so many posters that while never have met you, care so much about you and your family and send good thoughts and wishes your way often.
You are an amazing Daughter, Daughter-in-Law, Mother and wife. Stay strong Erynn.
Bec.
I’m sorry people feel the need to be so rude & hurtful. Its like it makes them feel better about their own lives or something. I don’t get it. But I truly admire your strength and enjoy reading your blog. I will continue to keep you & your family in my prayers. God Bless!
Erynn,
I don't know you but I love reading your blog. I am 24 and newly married. Let me just say that your story has made me live my life more each day. I kiss my husband each morning and tell him how much I love him. I make sure I never leave him without telling him those 3 little words. I do this because I realize how precious life and love are. Your and Patrick's love has done that for me. I look up to you so much and think you are so strong. Please do not listen to those stupid people because there are many annoymous people (like myself) who think you are a beautiful, strong women, a wonderful wife, daughter-in-law and mother! And yes you are and will ALWAYS be those things! Here is a quote a friend sent me and I think it applies to you...
If God brings it to you...God will bring you through it.
Have a great day and relax; God's got your back.
Oh my. The things people say sometimes just blow my mind. There is nothing I can say that other people haven't already said. I wish people who make shocking comments on other people's blogs at least had the courage to post under their own name. Obviously they feel very strongly about what they have to say, but they don't have the balls to show their face?
Like we said to you last night...these people are either really THAT stupid (this could go 2 ways...stupid enough to say these things to you or they are seriously stupid and don't get it) or really THAT jealous, they have to find some way to TRY TO get to you. xo...stay strong...you are an incredible wife, mother, daughter and friend :) <3 you.
I am also REALLY glad you don't let people like this get to you...and glad you can type these blog posts with a smile on your face..you are definitely stronger than most...it would tear my stomach apart thinking of the comments, and bring me to tears...but you, my friend, you are seriously amazing :)
WOW! I'm not surprised that there are meanspirited people out there. I'm just sorry they are aiming their stupidity at you. The truth is, people are miserable and they want others to feel just as awful about the world as they do. The reaction they received from you was just the attention they were craving. It's like a child who wants ANY kind of attention. . .good or bad. Hell, if etiquette dictates that my ex-husband's mother is STILL my mother-in-law even though we're divorced, clearly Debi is still your MIL. Please! I understand your hurt and rage because you would never treat someone that way. It's unthinkable! Just remember that you are a better than they are. . .and, as Patrick's wife, you are carrying on his legacy through your children. I hope the positive comments you've received will help you to see that people are basically good! It's too bad that the bad people seem to garnish the most attention! UGH! Now you have ME pissed off at them!!!!!!!!!!!
This makes me sick!!! As bad as this is to say, I truely wish ill on that SOB. You will ALWAYS be a wife and Debi will ALWAYS be your MIL.
You are an amazing mother, daughter and daughter-in-law. I'm sorry someone is finding comfort in hurting others. Especially after the year you've had.
Erynn,
My first thought was that some people are idiots. Plain and simple. But, now I realize that not only are some people idiots, some people are cold hearted, rude and a slew of other adjectives that I'll refrain from posting.
Please don't let a few brainless idiots get to you.
You have the whole hearted love, support, encouragement and admiration of so many people in this world. And also from some looking down from above... Please let that carry you.
April
E-
I am shocked and disgusted by the those comments. I hope those rude and insensitive people leave this blog alone -go away, your comments aren't wanted here. You said it perfectly "We don't control our own destination. God is in control" You are a amazing wonderful, wife, mother, friend, and daughter-in-law!
As Jennifer said, there is nothing I can say that hasn't already been said by your wonderful commenters. However, I am genuinely shocked, just shocked, that anyone would think it is appropriate to send a grieving person those kind of comments. Unbelievable!
Once again, you have just proven what a strong woman you are.
Oh my goodness....I cannot believe someone could be so thoughtless. I have commented a couple times, but I read all of your posts. I know your family indirectly. I have thought of you all so very often. Prayed for all of you.....and I hope you know that for every bone head out there, there are hundreds who lift you up in prayer each and every day. Love to you.
Kris Grover
Ugh! So sorry you have to deal with stupid people like this on top of everything else you've had to go through this year! I seriously don't understand how people could think that was ok to say. Sorry E!
Talk about lacking a sensitivity chip. I think some people are lacking entire sets of wiring!
I am visualizing the wall of all of us Rooney friends and supporters rising up around you and stifling those clods out of view.
Either that or the mob of RoonFam Friends stomping the $hit out of them :-)
I'm sorry you have to deal with it. Those of us who care are all still here and (I know I've said it before) we're not going anywhere.
(Except maybe to go $hit-kick some assholes....)
you are beautiful. your family is beautiful. your children are beautiful.
Ignore these ignorant human beings and keep doing EXACTLY everything you are doing.
You are always in my thoughts.
Aimee
SERIOUSLY, WTF is wrong with people?! Wishing the best for you and your family.
I am so so sorry, that someone has has the nerve to make such a terrible comment to you.
Your more of a wife than most wives I know. Your love was more true, than many of the marriges I see daily. You know exactly what You and Patrick were and are now. It makes me sad that people feel the need to cause pain to you, after you have so clearly had to live this horrible loss daily.
It's easy for us to say ignore it, because we have not lost what you have lost, and it doesnt burn with a fury inside of us, as it does to you. But please know that there is a community of us Anonymous folk, that find you to be a very strong women, who is doing what she needs to for her family in the wake of the most painful moment in her life. We see that Erynn, we see that.
PS...I cant remember my log in name, but I did make a video a few months ago for you..so Im not completely Anonymous!
Wow! Maybe people are writing to you from inside a Psych ward!
Erynn,
You are an inspiration to me and so many others. I came across your blog a couple of months ago and have been reading it daily since. I'm also a recent shopper at your etsy shop :) Do not let those evil comments get you down. Do not even give them the time of day by responding. They do not deserve your time.
Your strength amazes me. I wish nothing but happiness for you and your family this new year.
xoxo
Maegan
I read this last night, shortly after you posted it, but since I rarely leave comments I didn't. Sorry. I've come back to see if anything came of you calling them out,a and I'm thrilled for you to see 90+ comments from people who love, care, and are thinking and praying for you and your family. Include me as one of the 90+ who thinks you are an amazing woman, mother, wife, and daughter in law.
Hugs to you!
Erynn,
I have been following your blog since about this time last year. I still think about you and your family frequently and pray for you guys as you endure each day without your beloved husband and FIL. I will continue to pray for all of you that you may be given strength, peace, hope, and perseverance. I know I only know you from years ago, but I can tell that you are such a strong, wise, and admirable woman. Sorry that people have been so insensitive towards you. Clearly they have never lost someone they care about and can't begin to understand the pain of loss, yours in particular.
May the Lord bless you and keep you, may He make His face shine upon you and your family and be gracious to you, may he turn His face toward you and give you peace (and continued comfort).
God bless you, your precious children, your MIL, and the entire Rooney family,
Jaclyn Y.
Eryn, I don't know you but some how I found your blog a couple months ago I have been reading ever since. Do not pay attention to those nasty comments because your intention was never to end yor marriage. What happened to your husband was a terrible accident and there was nothing that could have be done to prevent it. I don't know why that happened to you and your family but I know that you are in tremendous pain and you have all the rigth to feel that way. He will always be your husband and they will always be your family. Keep strong for your children and don't let anybody take you down.
My prayers go to you and your family
I am terribly sorry, Erynn. Some people just have no filter as to what they say.
Regardless of what anyone says, you will always be Patrick's wife and be a part of his family. I am sure he he watching over you, Will, and Reese every minute.
Erynn,
You are full of so much strength and courage. You are an inspiration to everyone! May God Always Bless you and yours.
Strength & Courage It takes strength to conquer; It takes courage to surrender. It takes strength to feel a friend’s pain; It takes courage to feel your own pain. It takes strength to hide feelings; It takes courage to show them. It takes strength to endure abuse; It takes courage to stop it. It takes strength to stand alone; It takes courage to lean on another. It takes strength to love; It takes courage to be loved. It takes strength to survive; It takes courage to live. You can never discover new oceans unless you have the courage to lose sight of the shore. It takes strength to be certain, It takes courage to have doubts. It takes strength to fit in, It takes courage to stand out. It takes strength to share a friend's pain, It takes courage to feel your own pain. It takes strength to hide your own pain, It takes courage to show it and deal with it. It takes strength to stand guard, It takes courage to let down your guard. It takes strength to conquer, It takes courage to surrender. It takes strength to endure abuses, It takes courage to stop them. It takes strength to stand alone, It takes courage to lean on a friend. It takes strength to love, It takes courage to be loved. It takes strength to survive, It takes courage to live. May you find strength and courage in everything you do, And may your life be filled with Friendship and Love!
Pegi and Al
Oh E, I am so sorry. Many people are literally ignorant and many people are truly heartless. However, MOST people are good and really do care. You are a Rooney. You're children are Rooney's. You will be P's wife until the day comes that you will be able to let anther man into your life. You are young, that will happen. You are suppose to have love and the family you always dreamed of. What you and P built was meant to be and what you had in a few short years was more than most have in a lifetime. Taken far too soon, but he was the love of your life, he will always be the love of your life. He is the father of your children. You didn't divorce, he was taken from you, therefore, a widow, yes, but still, as long as you feel it in your heart, you are still married. I hope this makes sense....it's so hard to articulate what I am thinking at times. As far as Debi, she will always be your MIL. Whether you end up with another MIL or not, I am positive you will always look to Debi as that. She is the grandmother to those beautiful babies and you have been through something together most people can't imagine in their worst nightmares.
Although those comments people make are hurtful, they are a handful of ignorant heartless people in the mist of hundreds of people who genuinely care about you, your babies, your life, your family. People who want to see you happy. People like me, who are in awe of your strength,even when you didn't want to be strong. You are beautiful person Erynn, inside and out. xoxo
Erynn... you are so lucky to have had a love that was so deep it marked your soul for life, so many people NEVER find that. And for Debi to remain your BONUS Mom is amazing and nothing less than your beautiful family deserves.
thanks everyone! xo
It's so sad there are THAT miserable of people in our world that try to bring others down. If they think their words will be bring me down, obviously they don't know who they are writing to.
i am so sorry you have to deal with comments like that. people are flat out wrong for saying any of those things to you.
thoughts and prayers are with you.
your husband is watching over you, i'm sure he is your guardian angel.
I am from CT and a follower from the beginning ( not sure how I found you) anyway..you are a lovebug and do not let anyone dampen your spirit..you had a great love and have an awesome family..you are lucky......
Erynn,
I thought I'd add my comments so that readers could see from my perpective what you mean to me! As far as I'm concerned you'll always be my DIL who I love dearly and no matter what lies ahead of us you're the wonderful mother of Will and Reese, my grandchildren who remind me of what I have to be thankful for each day.
You are beautiful, strong and brave and I'm so lucky to have you as my DIL! XOXO
People are dumb! I enjoy reading how you have pulled through this and hope that you continue to share your story.
Erynn,
I do not know you personally I came upon your blog through a friend of mine. I have followed closely over the past several months and have always wanted to post but never felt I had the correct words to say. As I drove home last night I thought of you and your FAMILY! I could not get all of you off of my mind. So this morning I decided to share that I think you are AMAZING. I am a christian and have always been raised to never question "GOD". I have had many troublesome things happen to me and I would always ask my mom why is God doing this to me? She quickly informed me never to doubt him? I felt her answer just wasn't enough I mean why would he let such awful things happen to such great people. I still struggle with that question but he is our master. I agree with you on the phrase "Time heals everything", I hate the phrase, although it means well but you just wonder how much time does it take? I hope you heal on YOUR time frame, you will always have your wound, now it is up to you as to how you carry your wound. Yes it will continue to ooze a little, it will also scab over from time to time, but you choose how to doctor it. I hope that makes sense to you, it was told to me by a very wise person. I think you are an inspiration to all of us who are still trying and struggling to understand the good in everything. God Bless You!
Wow I don't often comment...but do check on you and your MIL often and I too read articles after I found your site! I just sincerely can not imagion someone saying those things...............BUT that old saying "what doesn't kill us makes us stronger" GO ERYNN GO..you are doing a great job, great mother, great DIL and a great person. Ignore the stupid!
Debbie from NB.
I remember you from the knot because we got married on the same day, same year. You and Patrick's wedding was so beautiful.
I happened to find your blog one day and I check it all the time. Mainly because your words are so inspirational and a constant reminder of how precious life is.
Thank you for sharing your story and your precious children.
I have no advice to offer as I have not been in your shoes, but I sincerely thank you for for being so strong.
And my MIL will ALWAYS be my MIL and Steven will ALWAYS be my husband.
Take care of yourself,
Lindsay
I'm sorry that you get those weird comments from some anonymous writers.. I for one am one, but thats because I dont have a blogger account..
You are Patrick shared a unique love and in both your hearts you will always love each other.. Your MIL will always be your MIL.. He may have been taken from you, but your love never dies!
Live your life, love and laugh where you can.. You may not be in control of certain circumstances and people, but you are in control of yourself.. xx M
Hi Erynn-
Been reading your blog for a while now and my heart just breaks for you and your family. I can not believe the comments people make and how cruel people can be. Many other posters have said it better than I will but to heck with those people and there mean spirits.
I admire your strength and send kind thoughts to you and your family (including your MIL) every day.
Yours and Patrick's love story is truly special. No nasty comments can ever change that.
Erynn,
I admire how strong you are! You never let any of these downers drag you down with them. Keep staying positive!
I can't believe that people actually had the nerve to leave comments like that! I'm so sorry that they did have the nerve to say those things. It sounds like you are blessed with a great MIL! Try not to let those comments get to you. They're just stupid & mean.
Ok, so I have tried to hold my tongue for almost a week now, and it still pains me that some f*cking anonymous asshole would post a comment like that. Patrick will continue to live on in our hearts and soul, and I am very proud and honored to still call him my son in law. I love you...Mom xoxo.
Omgosh Erynn, my mouth was hanging open while I read this post!! How rude, wow I just can't believe this, as if you haven't been through enough!
Sigh, stay strong and don't worry about the stupid people who never learned what we all learned in elementary school, "If you don't have nothing nice to say, don't say anything at all!!"
My in-laws will ALWAYS be my in-laws. Not just because they are my children's blood relatives, but because I adore them, they adore me, and we will always be family no matter what.
It's bad enough that there are always the "what if's" in our minds, but for people to point them out is just ignorance. Either they really are that stupid and just don't know any better, or they have a cruel streak.
Love to you, Erynn. XOXO
PS - I <3 Lisa in Toronto...
Wow some people are so disgusting it's unbearable. These are the people who shouldn't even be allowed to use a computer.
This is a great post. I also lost my husband in an accident 19 months ago. I admire your strength and your honesty. I'm glad I found your blog.
Some people really ARE that dumb - but there is also that sense of "If I judge YOU then I can protect ME (and mine) from harm." It's so wrong and I'm so sorry you are hurt by it but you are right to just delete and move on. The dumb, they are all around us. Thinking their ignorant thoughts. Knowing not of what they speak. They are best ignored because you can't argue with ignorance either.
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