our last conversation

It was early in the morning and I was half asleep as I answered the phone from bed. It was short, sweet and to the point. He always called before they took off so I knew they were in the air and not to worry.. If I didn't answer then he left a voicemail, that'd be the only time he ever left me a voicemail. This way I was able to judge how long until they'd be landing and expecting my next phone call. Problem is, I never got that next phone call. Instead, I got a knock at the door and news that turned my world upside down. My point is you just never, never know. You don't know when that last phone call is going to be.. or if you are even going to get the opportunity. That last hug, kiss, the last "I love you." I wish our last conversation had lasted a little longer and a been a little deeper but I am 100% thankful that I answered the phone and was given the opportunity to tell him I loved him, one last time.

It's weird to think about what I was doing those few hours between our last conversation and the knock at my door. Just going about my business at home, taking care of Will, while thinking he was up in the air, flying home... but really he had crashed just a few minutes after take off and was dead as I was thinking I'd be seeing his sweet face in just a matter of hours. I really try hard to not let my mind wander. It's definitely easier said than done but I feel I do a pretty good job of not letting myself go there. I try to talk myself out of it.. asking myself "what good is going to come of this?" Maybe it's good that I let myself go there every now and then. It's just part of the healing process I guess.