Just because I'm dating doesn't mean that everything that's happened in my life is behind me. I live with it every.single.day. The life experience I unwilling received at 24 is what most people will never experience in their entire lifetime. It will be with me forever. I'm just learning to live with it while trying to live the life I have left. A life I deserve. A life the kids deserve. I am 26 with two kids under 3. I never expected to be in the situation I am in today but I have to accept what God gives me and learn to adjust. I think to myself what Patrick would think or say and I know he would want me to be happy. He would never want me to be alone for the rest of my life. I know I wouldn't want him to be if the roles were reversed.
I've kept a lot of this to myself for several reasons. Since I've started dating it's definitely caused ripples in more ways than one. Creating situations I never thought would be brought upon me. It hasn't necessarily been easy to deal with. People come out of the woodworks to express their opinions, advice, happiness {or not} for me. It hasn't always been easy, especially for someone who tries to keep the peace and everyone happy. It actually brought on some stress and anxiety in the beginning. I'm just thankful to have a supporting family who backs my decisions 100%. They just want to see me smile and be happy. I've realized I can't worry about what others think. I can't worry about trying to keep everyone happy. It's just impossible. I have to focus on my happiness and the happiness of Will & Reese. No one is walking in my shoes and until they do {I don't wish that upon my worst enemy} they really have no idea what it's like. Will always tells me "Mommy, I'm happy" then he will ask, "Are you happy, mommy?" I love to hear that he is happy. It makes me feel like I'm doing a pretty damn good job keeping it together for them since Patrick died.
I think 2011 is going to be a good year!
72 comments:
Love it E. I don't know how you do it but you do. You're right you have been through so much. And somehow you have held it together for those two little babes and you have done an amazing job.
You're right... you have to do what is right for you... and the kids. You are young and beautiful and you deserve to find happiness and smile again. The kids deserve a happy mommy too. Here's to 2011 being a great year!!!
Thanks girl! Brought tears to my eyes! xo
You deserve the world and then some, my friend. I think Patrick would want that for you whether he was here or not. You've got to go out and find it for yourself and without him here to give it to you, you'll do what seems right.
I think you're a blessing to your kids and to whomever you're dating. I'm sure there are and have been some hiccups but it's your life and you need to continue to live even though it seemed like life was over...
Thanks for the posts!
So beautifully written. You most definitely deserve to be happy after what you have been through. Your situation was never a choice but you are making the most of every day of your life and I am so happy for you. A new relationship does NOT change the love you have and shared with Patrick. I wish nothing but wonderful things for your family Erynn! So happy you found so a special person to have in your and your kid's lives!!
xoxo
I think it's wonderful that you've found someone to share life with... God did not intend for us to go through life, and especially the parenting journey, alone. Adding a new dimension of love to your life in no way diminishes the love you shared with Patrick. He will always be part of your and your children's life, and kudos to the man who is MAN enough to step into your family and become part of it. Blessings to you and your famiy, Erynn. 2011 is going to be a great year... I need it too! I'm in a place to be ready to move on and meet someone new as well...
Congratulations on your happiness!
Don't know that I've commented before, but your blog has really touched me. You seem to be doing a wonderful job raising those babies! I can only imagine how hard some days must be. You definitely deserve happiness & don't let someone who doesn't understand that rain on your parade! You go girl!
GOOD FOR YOU! it's upsetting to think that people have the nerve... good for you!! you continue living, all that's all you can do.
I agree, I think Patrick would want you to be happy!! I can't imagine what you have been through. God bless!!
You are so amazing & your strength is incredibly inspiring. I agree with the above, I really do not know how you do it. Having a healthty, happy household is what's most important for you & your kiddos. Thanks for sharing your journey with everyone - friends, family & even strangers like me :). xoxo
Maegan K.
You made me cry! E, you are a wonderful mom and you have a beautiful and amazing family. You have my best thoughts and prayers that 2011 will be a good year for all of you, with many more to come. I'm lucky to be able to call you my friend. xoxo Diane
I read, never comment (sorry). But who cares what anyone says? You have a child that not only tells you he is happy, but cares if you are happy too! Now THAT is all that matters. Sounds like a perfect report card to me!
Miss Erynn you couldn't have said it any better! I know it's been hard, but you more than anyone deserves to find happiness again. I'm so happy that you found someone as amazing as youuuu!
xoxoxo
T
Best thing you can give your children is a happy parent. Looking from the outside in, you're doing a helluva job. My heart hurts for you every time I read your blog but considering what you've been through & will continue to endure through your life, you remain strong & beautiful & together. Your kids are adorbale I just wanted to let you know I am so happy for you even if it's just a night out now & again a good conversation with hopes of a new beginning for forever.
~Erika
You have the perfect attitude!! Go into this life to make you and your kiddos happy. In this life it is impossible to keep everyone happy, and trying will just bring us unhappiness and unneeded stress. You are doing a great job! Best of luck in this new year, I'm sure it'll be great!! :)
You have such beautiful words! You deserve to be happy and I admire you for living life to the fullest despite the cards you were dealt. You are such an inspiration to me to not take anything for granted and to live life! Thank you so much for that. He is a lucky guy!
So happy for you Erynn. You deserve to be happy in life! As you know all to well life is to short!
You are an amazing woman and an inspiration to many!
Wishing you nothing but the best for 2011 and beyond!
Erynn, You are a young beautiful woman and you have had to live through the unimaginable. You deserve to be happy, and you deserve to be in love again. Im very happy for you!
I've been following you ever since I stumbled upon your blog from Matt Logelin's more than a year ago. I'm not sure I've ever commented...I've started and stopped more than once because I just always felt like my words were never enough. I just want to say I admire your strength. You most definitely deserve to be happy!
Erynn,
I have been following your blog for quite a while, although, I have never commented. I just felt compelled today to tell you how amazing I think you are. You're courage and strength to keep chugging along is so inspiring. I am so happy to hear that you are moving on, in some ways, with your life while still holding onto Patrick and honoring him. I am sure that he is smiling down on you and your beautiful babies. I love that your focus is your children and making sure that you are all happy. You're doing an amazing job and I'm glad that you, too, can see it!!!
You are an amazing woman and Mom ... you are doing the most amazing job and don't ever let anyone bring you down !!! God has blessed you with one marriage you will hold onto forever and that marriage blessed you with 2 beautiful children, now God is blessing you with someone to share your life with and there is NOTHING wrong with that ! May God continue to bless you and your children!!!! Here's to life, love, and happiness !!!
I've 'known' you since the JS days and have kept up with your blog, and even though you've experienced some hardships in your young life, I am so glad to hear that you are growing in strength, because regardless of how you feel from day to day, you are growing stronger and stronger!.. It's unfortunate that people pass judgement and comment on your life, but I have to give you kudo's for being so strong.. I'm glad you are able to keep it together and move forward, for yourself and your children! 2011 holds so much promise and I'm sure it will be a great year for you and your family.. You deserve LOVE, JOY and HAPPINESS as much as the next person, and I'm sure P would want you to have it more than anyone else.. I'm looking forward to hearing about this next chapter of you life.. xxx Marz
GOOD FOR YOU GIRL!!! This is my first time to comment on your blog. This post really touched my heart.... You deserve to be happy no matter what anyone thinks! All we can do is move forward. Here's to 2011..cheers!
I have been reading your blog since it was recommended to me some time ago and I love seeing that you are enjoying the life you have. You deserve to be happy and so do your kids. Of course Patrick would want you to be happy, he sounds like he was a wonderful man. Please don't let anything ANYONE says affect how you live YOUR life. I understand it's not the same thing, but when my son died (he was stillborn) I thought my whole world would come crashing down and in the beginning that's what it felt like. But, I didn't listen to anything anyone else said...especially if they had not been through what I had been through. It has been a long road and I still continue to grieve for my son, I always will...but I was determined to live my best life and now, 3 and a half years later I have two beautiful daughter and my son is still very much a part of our family, we talk about him and our girls will know that they had a brother that we all miss very much. I know we will be together with him in Heaven some day. But for now, I need to make this the best life possible - I know that is what my son would have wanted if he could have had a say. Wishing you nothing but the best for you and your family. Keep posting, I love getting the updates. You are an inspiration!
Good for you...you need to live and be happy not only for yourself but for those 2 amazing children!
No one can say what is right or wrong because there is no right answer. If you had to choose I can only imagine you'd want to go back to being 24 married and living the life you dreamed of....fast forward to today and you have to go forward that is the natural progress of life and no one and I mean no one should judge you on your choices because they are YOUR choices.
Of course they will be difficult as you can tell life is not easy or fair. Have faith in your family, friends and surround yourself with positive people and know in time everything will come around (it might just take some time and patience).
Happy New Year!
Yay!
a - Erynn, I am so happy for you! Ive "known you" since the knottie days and even shared my story with you, so Iam just thrilled for you. I cant wait to for the more to come.
b. Its definetly a new chapter in your life, and Im sure there will be awkard moments, but I know you will handle them with grace and courage like you've been. Its your life to live and you have a family who loves and supports you but unfortantly sometimes people will just be a-holes about things. They dont know you, they just are unhappy with themselves, so the judge. All we can do for people like that is pray for them you know?
Heres to 2011!
You deserve to be happy and in love like everyone does. You are an amazing mom with two beautiful, great kids and you are a complete blessing to them...and to your special someone :-) I have never met you or Patrick, but I think that anyone who's ever loved someone only wants them to be happy. I think Patrick would want this for you.
I hate the fact that people feel the need to give you their two cents... :-/
You owe no one an explination. As long as you are happy and your littles are happy, nothing else matters.
I know you would want, more than anything in the world, to have P here with you and watch his children grow up. Your circumstance was beyond your control and I agree with you, P would want you to be happy. I am sure he would move heaven and earth to ensure you and your kiddos were happy and healthy. I am sure life isnt rosey for you but you are making the best of the situation that you were dealt. Like you said, only you know what is right for you and your children and you have been doing a great job by the pictures you share with us. They seem happy and healthy. I am so happy you have found someone to share your life with. Being with someone new doesnt diminish the love you had with P. You have done an amazing job when I am sure there are others out there, who wouldnt even be able to handle a sliver of what you went through (and still go through). Best wishes for a happy and healthy 2011. Wishing you, the kids and your bf much love and happiness. You all deserve it!
Jess
Erynn I've been lurking for a while, and just wanted to say you go! It seems like you've handled this whole lot you've been dealt with such grace and strength, honoring your memories and being there for the kids. You don't need to justify anything...you deserve to live your life! I hope 2011 is a great one for you!
If anyone deserves to be happy it's you. So glad you found a wonderful man to love you and your babies. Happy New Year sweetie
You deserve happiness in this world!! I'm so glad you have found someone who is making you happy. It sure sounds like you are doing a GREAT job in raising your 2 kids! Wish you nothing but the best for 2011!!
E, I can tell by FB alone just how happy you and the kids are...and that is all that truly matters.
I am so happy that you have found someone who accepts your situation and helps you through those tough times. As you said,It truly takes someone special to be able to do that.
The end of your post brought me to tears, your babies are truly a blessing. You have (no doubt) done an amazing job.
You deserve all of this!
XO
I am not sure i have ever commented but this post made me smile. For so many resons, you obviously deserve it and i always feel that a happy momma makes everyone happy :) My friend lost her fiance 10 months ago and he was my husbands best friend. I know that when the time comes and she wants to date again, there will be mixed feelings from some people(they dated over 10 yrs) but in the end, you both deserve a lifetime of happiness.
"if Momma ain't happy ain't nobody happy" I am so happy for you and also that you are able to share this. YOur kids are very lucky to have you as their mommy. Yes, you have been through more than most in a lifetime that is for sure. YOur babies are part of you and Patrick and nobody will ever take that away. You must be dating a special person. Relationships are never easy and the main things is that you are happy with it. Your family must be a blessing to you that is for sure. Yes, Patrick would probably not want you to be alone and would want your happiness. Here is to a great year full of good things and new experiences. Hugs
i really hope if people have rude comments or opinions that they are keeping them to themselves!! you don't need to hear their negative thoughts....
on that note, i know 2011 is going to be a wonderful year for you!! :) wishing you nothing but happiness!!
You deserve happiness Erynn, you've had enough sadness and heartache. You lost the love of your life, it's possible to find another love of your life, it really is. You're beautiful inside and out don't keep that all to yourself. I think about you all the time and the sadness is overwhelming. I'd like to be able to think about you happy or at least on the road to happy. No one will ever take the place of Patrick, no one and I hope that someone understands that and can accept it. Good Luck in finding love again.
You deserve happiness Erynn, you've had enough sadness and heartache. You lost the love of your life, it's possible to find another love of your life, it really is. You're beautiful inside and out don't keep that all to yourself. I think about you all the time and the sadness is overwhelming. I'd like to be able to think about you happy or at least on the road to happy. No one will ever take the place of Patrick, no one and I hope that someone understands that and can accept it. Good Luck in finding love again.
Good for you. Happy Mom=happy kids.
You couldnt have expressed yourself better, its YOUR life. This is the life you were given and in the darkness you have found happiness. Thats ALL that matters.
You should and deserve to be happy! Whoever told you otherwise really isn't a friend. Do what is best for you and your beautiful babies! I am looking forward to seeing a marriage post one day and and pictures of happy family adventures again. Cheers to a fantasic year for you!
Xo
Kelly
Good for you.
I am married to a man that was widowed when he was 34 and had a 6 year old daughter. We started dating just five short months after his wife died, which on paper seems weird. But, it felt right and ten years later we know it was right for our situation. There are not rules to this. My stepdaughter is 16 now and her mother is still very much a part of our lives even though she's been gone for over 10 years now. You live your life and by doing so you honor those that died.
I love your post. You deserve nothing but happiness, after all you had to go through. Have a wonderful new year and enjoy every minute of it! Hugs.
Erynn, I am typically just a lurker and reader and have followed your story for a while. I always keep you and your children, and your entire family in my heart and prayers. I think that you are a beautiful woman, with beautiful children, and obviously a beautiful heart that truly deserves happiness. Just know that amongst the many opinions out there, while it may not matter, I think you are right to do what's right for you and your children.
You deserve happiness. I'm thrilled that you have found someone that makes you and the kids happy.Life is not intended to be shared with no one. You handle situations with such grace...and happy looks amazing on you! Happy New Year!
Erynn, I went to college with Patrick and although I didn't know him directly I knew of him. Ever since I heard about your families tragedy my heart has broken for you and your children. I can't even imagine what your world has felt like. I am married and due in March with my first baby and can't even let my mind go to what you have experienced. I came across you blog and really felt compelled to tell you that you are an inspiration to all. You are a beautiful girl and deserve to be happy. My mom's best friend lost her 19 year old son a couple of years ago and at the funeral there was something said that I found to be the best explanation of what had happened, so I am passing it on to you. God surrounds himself with the good ones, he needed Patrick for his use, he is one of the good ones. God Bless!
I love you so much friend and have watched you change and go through every emotion in the book...no one envy's your situation and no one will ever know what it is like to be in your shoes. I feel like I know you so well and I still can't imagine being in your shoes. You have every right to do what makes you happy and Adam is one of the best things to come into your life in the past 2 years. He is such an incredible guy with a big heart...I don't blame you for snatching him up quick! haha :) You deserve nothing but the best in life and I love how people can try to judge you, but I would ask those people if they would like to trade positions with you on January 11,2009. Bring them back to that day and say, lets switch...then we will see who is still talking...love you to pieces my friend and seeing you so happy makes us so happy...keep smiling girl...love you!
I love this, Erynn!! To be frank, who gives a crap about what anyone else thinks or says. You most definitely deserve to be happy, and I can tell that you are! You are such an amazing mother and those kiddos are so lucky to have you. Live your life and be happy. You have a million people that support you :) xoxo
Erynn...I, too, have been following your blog through a friend of a friend. You are such an inspiration in ways you do not even realize. Knowing you are finding new happiness and have found the strength to let someone special into your life warms my heart. You are so deserving and your kids are beautiful and so lucky to have you! :)
You are doing more than a darn good job!!!!
I am a silent stalker of your blog and thought this would be a good time to come forward!!
I am so glad to hear you are happy!! You are right! You can't worry about what other people thing or say. It is none of their business! You do what is right for you and your kids! My husband and I have talked about it before and we would both want each other to date again if something tragic was to happen! Have a great day!! :)
It takes an incredibly strong person to go thru what you have with such grace and strength. It also takes a strong person to enter the life of someone who has been dealt such heartache. Sounds like you have found someone who will let you continue to grieve while also allowing you to open your heart and move on. No one should judge you for that....you have learned all too well that life here on this earth can be too short, so why not live it as happy as possible? After all you have been thru, you deserve to be happy, and your children deserve it too. You are doing a wonderful job of honoring Patrick while still trying to see the silver lining. It's unfortunate that there are any nay-sayers at all. Best of luck to you!
Wonderful news!!!
This may be my favorite post YET!!! I'm so happy for you and even more happy that Will and Reese get to have a happy mama!! You are YOUNG (no cougar jokes necessary, lol) and gorgeous and have SO much to give and so much more to LIVE. I couldn't be happier for you and if anyone deserves an amazing person in their life, it's you. Enjoy yourself and smile. ;) xoxo
I have followed your Blog for awhile now and prayed for you so often...You are a great women as I can tell by reading your Blog and would love to meet you some day. I am from So. CA but live in Colo.Spgs now. I come out there to visit my mom once a year or so.My husbands name is Patrick too and we have been married for 29 years this month with 7 kids, we were high school sweet hearts. I am so VERY VERY blessed by what I have and could never understand what you have gone through over these last few years, or would I ever try to understand. you have a right to be happy and like you said I think that is what your Patrick would want for you too and your children. Don't worry so much what people think, they all think something that they shouldn't or have NO idea what they would do if they were in your shoes right now. I know it's hard not to worry about what people think, I am a people pleaser too...but they are not you and you only will answer for you some day. Enjoy your life your young, and very beautiful you have your whole life ahead of you, BE HAPPY...Praying for you and your new relationship.
You are right on! Learn, grow, adjust, change, enjoy!
You knew I'd come in with something from Scripture, right? ;-) The Word of God tells us that to everything, there is a season. You should be embracing every joy in your life, just as you have mourned your sorrows.
What you said is very telling, by the way . . . you would want Patrick to be free to find love again - and I am absolutely certain that is what he wants for you. A relationship with someone else does not lessen your love for Patrick at all. You honor him every day by taking care of yourself and your children, not to mention through your obvious love and respect for your mother-in-law.
God bless you, your kids and your sweetheart!
Hi Erynn - GOOD FOR YOU! Don't listen to all ther bullcrap, follow your heart. It led you to Patrick and it will lead you to someone wonderful who will care for you and make you feel special. Nothing will ever compare to Patrick - but I'm so glad that someone is in your life. God Bless and happy 2011!
this puts a smile on my face. Your words are so powerful. Live your life, you deserve it all.
Erynn, I haven't seen or talked to you in forever, but I think about you all the time. You are such an amazing Mom and person! I can't imagine what or why anyone would feel a need to have anything negative to say to or about you! Regardless there are some real idiots on this planet and unfortunately sometimes we all get a taste of it. It seems you are doing your best (which is pretty amazing I might add) and your strength and dedication to being the best Mom you can be really shows. I wish you all the best for 2011 and many more years to come.
Erynn,
I too went to college with Pat and I must say that my heart broke for you and pats family when I heard of his passing. I am happy to see that you have done a wonderful job raising your and pats children, and no doubt you will continue to do so... Moving on to the next chapter of your life is nothing to be ashamed of nor should you hide it from anyone. you've had to grieve so publicly for the loss of your husband and father of your kids... You should be allowed to celebrate finding a special someone publicly as well... I hope you continue to find happiness in life, whether it's with the new man in your life, or through everything else that life has to offer... life did not end for you the day your husband passed (at least not completely), you should be allowed to live it to the fullest the best way that you can.
Gorgeous E ... you deserve all the happiness in the world and then some ... I'm so so happy that you've found someone to take care of you, cos it sounds like you take care of everyone around you so well ... you deserve it. I'm so happy for you beautiful girl xoxooxoxooxox
I've never commented before, but found your blog through Matt Logelin's blog roll.
I am a few years older than you, but not much. I have had two friends/acquaintances who lost their spouse at a young age, one with two young children like you. Both found love again and are very happy. I think most people never have to ponder the situation you went through (or just don't want to face reality that it could happen).
After what we've seen friends go through, my husband and I have had the "what if..." conversation. If anything ever happens to me, I want him (and our son) to have someone in their lives again, fate/god willing. And he feels the same about me. I wish more people would/could have this convo with their spouse.
Good for you. You deserve happiness. Though you certainly don't need some stranger to tell you that.
Oh, bless your heart. You deserve every happiness that comes your way. Darling girl, BE HAPPY. It's what P would want (please pardon me, I can't really KNOW what he would have want, it's just my best guess having never met him, of course, but "knowing" him through your blog - he was the kind of man who would want the best for the love of his life), short of obviously being there to share it with you.
Erynn you are doing a damn good job of keeping it all together. I wish you and your little ones all the happiness in 2011. Screw what other people think. As long as you and your babies are happy...that's all that matters. I think Patrick would be so proud of the women you have become.
I am new to your blog via Amber's Notebook and I've just spent the last 2 hours reading your blog.
You are a beautiful (inside and out) woman, you have been so strong since losing your love and the life you once knew.
I wish you nothing but health and happiness as your babies grow up, you all deserve to be happy.
You absolutely deserve that happiness, that companionship again. You're beautiful, young, and a wonderful mom. Any man would be LUCKY to have you in his life. Patrick would want to see that genuine smile on your face. Always thinking of you guys. Blog lurker/faithful reader...Melissa
I am so happy to read your news. I am sorry that people feel they need to tell you their opinion on how you live your life. It is your life and they have not walked in your shoes. Hearing that Will is happy and able to express it just made me smile. Best wishes for wonderful things in 2011.
Erynn, I have followed your story from the very beginning, and it is so heart warming to know you have found someone to date. He must be awesome. Your blog had implications that you need to defend this against stupid people, which makes me want to vomit. You do what is best for your family, and let the stupids be stupid. Also, can you post another video of Will chatting and laughing? It was my go to video to start the day...so precious.
Kimberly said it very well and all I can say is ditto. (I'm hoping 2011 will be a good year for me too--I need it!)
Long time lurker, though I have commented before (found you through Matt). You are allowed to be happy Erynn. Even though, unbelievably tragically, Patrick's life stopped Jan 09, yours did not. You are young and beautiful and still have so much of your life ahead of you. No-one can judge you or, if they do, they are not true friends because true friends would just be so glad that someone who had been through so many dark times, was experiencing some happiness again. Listen to what your son is saying to you. He's telling you that you are doing good, Momma.
Erynn,
I haven't talked to you in a long time, but I always try to check in once and while to see how you are doing. I know no one can fathom what you have been through, and you are so strong all of the time, I am so happy you have found happiness again, more than anyone, you deserve it. I hope everything else is well, the kids are beautiful!
all my love!
Aimee
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