day 1

sigh

I'm glad that is over with.

I really should be in bed right now, I've been up for 21 hours but I wanted to write down my thoughts, feelings, my day before I forgot any details.

Everything was going pretty good, including compliments from fellow passengers about my kids' wonderful behavior on the flight {phew}... until we were about to land in Hayden. I had Will in the seat next to me and Reese on my lap as we approached the runway. Both were sound asleep as I was trying desperately to hold back tears. I am not one to cry in front of people, let alone a plane loaded with people. I hate to draw attention to myself, especially while crying.

I couldn't stop thinking about them. Their normal procedures once they arrive to the airport, all Bill's checks he did before taking off... just going about their business, without a clue as to what was in store. As we landed, I thought to myself, "this was the last place they were before taking off. This was the last place I talked to Patrick." Why couldn't he just be here with me now? I thought back to the phone call I placed when I thought he should be landing anytime already.

As we retrieved our luggage, hopped in our rental car and started our drive to Steamboat... I looked around out of curiosity for the field. I didn't want to see anything in detail but I was just curious of the location in correlation with the airport. My dad pointed me the right direction. My heart sank. I knew it was close to the airport but to see it in person. Well, it just makes it that much worse. So close, yet so far.

Coming up to the ranch and seeing all of their hard work in person.. well it's breathtaking. It looks SO good! It's beautiful. They totally transformed this place. I know they would be sitting so proud right now hearing everyone's compliments from the rusted steel wall corners to the redesigned kitchen. Amazing!

Will absolutely loved running around here all day long. He spent so much time outside today, right up his alley and even got away with no nap. Hands down his favorite activity of the day were rides on the Gator through the Aspen trees. Grandpa cut a trail from the house, through the Aspens, into a field and up another field bringing you back to the house. I lost count how many laps they did. Even I jumped on, flip flops and all, for a few laps with Will.

All the guys spent the day together doing stuff guys do as a little mini bachelor party for my BIL. A few of us girls met up with them at dinner for some appetiziers and drinks.. but while driving to pick the girls up I realized this was my 1st time here without Patrick. He introduced me to Steamboat and I never came here without him. While driving the truck he drove around here, around the town he introduced me to, one I never traveled to without him.. it made my reality that much more real. It was hard to swallow.

Now that I managed to survive my 1st day here, without him, I'm hoping that my anxiety will descrease. I'm waiting to feel his presence, a sign, or something! Damn, even a dream would be nice!

Wish you were here. xo